Round 2, I cannot tell you whether or not he is looking for a new wife or not, but he has a pattern of moving on to other "mates". Whether he marries again, no one can predict that outcome for you. As for midlife? He's exhibiting a lot of the signs and stressors that would put him in that particular "pool" of folks.
His childhood was a dreadful one from your description and it's any wonder he's searching for answers and has never navigated the life transitions that he should have years ago. I can only say this....his life has been one crisis after another and now w/his grandmother's passing, has to re-evaluate where he is today, where he came from and where he will go from here. I suspect this will be humdinger of a crisis for him since he apparently didn't complete the others ones along the way.
He definitely has parent issues, but more so w/mommy. Why? Because he's admitted to you that something you've done sets triggers off and reminds him of his mother. Do you know which triggers he was referring to? I'm curious to know what those triggers were.
You've doing the correct things by allowing him space and time. He needs to know that you are there as a friend, w/no expectations from him. He needs to see that you are independent and comfortable w/living your life to the fullest whether he comes back or not. All I can offer up is that you need to be patient, compassionate and allow God to work on him. Prayers would help as he's going to need quite a few of them during this journey.
I would urge you to keep the focus on you and your family as you are going to have to be the strong and sane one, and yes, both parents right now. Do get the book that I suggested. It's an excellent read.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
