Probably not. I guess I'm just having trouble getting over the fact that she's probably gonna be getting away scot-free after what she did to me. It's like someone committing a crime but being set free due to a technicality. In this case the technicality is that if one person wants out of the relationship, its over.
She may or may not have any consequences. That is for her to deal with. It is not up to you to create consequences by being ugly or making her out to be some sort of criminal. People enter in to R's under free will and they do the same when they exit a R. Of course it hurts when one person chooses to exit a R. You are giving your EX no reason to even give you a second glance. In fact, all you are doing is pushing her closer and closer to OM.
And while I still do have feelings for her, at the same time I still am angry with myself for having ever met her. Had it not been for her I could have met someone else who wouldnt bail on me when times were tough...or I could have gone somewhere and found a great high paying job where I was a great success. Instead I'm stuck here, alone, in a poor job market, with a child who's gonna have a lot of issues to deal with growing up because her mom and dad couldnt work things out.
You are angry about things you chose and now cannot change. Why be angry about meeting her and having a R with her? It is such wasted energy as you can't go back and change that. And if you could go back and change that you would not have your daughter. You chose not to pursue a move/high paying job. Yes, that choice was in the name of family but it still was a choice you made. And yes, all divorced kids have issues but don't make them worse (which you are).
I was raised with family values...to do unto others...to treat people, women in particular, with respect, to put your child first above all else...to do things around the house for the person you love instead of being a typical man who drinks beer and watches football on the couch all the time...and what did it get me? I was a nice guy...who stuck it out when times got tough...and I still ended up losing. How is that fair...how is that right?
Hate to break it to you by life is not always fair. I don't consider having a daughter "losing". You may have lost something but you also gained quite a bit. I did everything "right" my whole life and I ended up being diagnosed with an illness with no cure. Is that fair? No. It's not. Sometimes we get cards dealt to us that we simply have to accept and make the best of. Basically it sounds to me since you no longer have your EX you no longer feel you need to put forth the values you say you have. That outlook will do nothing for you, now or ever.
That right there is why I'm acting the way I am now...because everything I came to believe in...that doing the right thing and doing right by people will make you come out on top in the end...got turned upside down when she left.
WE ALL GOT TURNED AROUND WHEN OUR SPOUSES LEFT. If you were anything like this in your R then things are starting to make sense. Doing the "right thing" should not be for a reward. Doing the right thing should simply be the foundation in which you live your life under any circumstance. Sometimes we come out of on top, sometimes we don't but at the end of the day, no mater what the outcome, we should know in our hearts we did in fact do the right thing.
And yeah I am stooping to her level...my parents have brought that up many times when they've begged me to not say anything about the taxes. They dont know anything about the WIC reporting...but I'm sure if I tell them they wont be happy.
You are disappointing your parents as a son and man. That alone should make you stop and take pause. If your own parents are disappointed in how you are behaving perhaps you need to stop and really think about that. You know it is wrong, we tell you it is wrong, your parents tell you it is wrong yet you have no self control to stop. This is exactly where you need to implement the "do the right" thing mentality.
for about 30 minutes today, after more begging to no avail to try and get my ex to be reasonable so that I wouldnt do something that she'd hate me for, I was dead set on reporting my ex for the under the table tax thing. then I was talking to my friend who's divorced and taking her little girl to a museum today with her ex...and I realized that if I did report my ex, not only would she face major fines and hate me, but D3 might as well some day, and there would never be any peaceful/happy moments where my ex and I could do something like taking D3 to a museum together.
So once again you smothered, begged, pursued and when that didn't work you threatened her? And the ONLY thing that made you stop was the idea of a future outing with your ex and daughter? Don't you realize each time you act like this you close the window inch by inch on that EVER happening?
So I told my ex that I had changed my mind, that two wrongs dont make a right, and that if I were to do something that makes her unhappy n gets her in trouble not only would I look like a child but it would set a bad example for D3. I apologized, n I hope thats as far as it goes. However, if she chooses to go to her L about what I said...thinking I meant I was gonna do something illegal (since I didnt actually tell her it was about the tax thing)...and it ends up coming up in court...she and her L may end up reporting herself because if I'm testifying under oath I cant lie about what I know.
So basically you threaten her and when that didn't work you go back to groveling and pursuing. And once again you make it out to be NOT your fault if this matter is brought to light? YOU ARE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT IT TO LIGHT. Of course she is going to tell her attny. You are threatening her. Even if the tax/WIC matter go nowhere it continues to establish a very vindictive pattern of behavior on your part. That is what will bite you in the ass.
