1. Bring up your affair immediately. Apologize for it happening, tell him how horrible and angry YOU are about it and that you DESPISE this creep and can't bear the thought of him at all. Ask him how WE can help get past him. Ask him if HE is willing to attend a Family Therapy session with you to help BOTH of you resolve this and HEAL.
2. Do NOT make light conversation and laugh. This is NOT helping you. This man is HURT and divorcing you. This is NOT a time to be acting casual. When YOU act CASUAL to a man divorcing you he thinks YOU are casual about DIVORCE.
3. YOU need to speak up about the importance of marriage. You need to press him to remember his commitment. He WILL throw the affair in your face. I would simply tell him divorcing your wife when she does NOT want a divorce is just as HORRIBLE as infidelity. Also remind him that YOU TOO have been cheated on, and that you understand how infidelity AND divorce feel and you do NOT want a divorce. Be DEAD SERIOUS about this.
4. Tell him you will do WHATEVER it TAKES for him to consider family therapy and reconcilliation. Tell him you love him and you want to keep your marriage and your commitment. He will likely just tell you its too late. He's TESTING the WATERS. If YOU give up when he says that, you are NOT committed.
5. His distance and hurting you right now is HIM testing YOUR commitment level... if you RUN or CRY or GIVE UP.. he KNOWS he's doing the right thing divorcing you. If YOU TRULY LOVE HIM, you will bear the pain he's putting you through and keep trying.. that is what he's thinking in his head.
6. This is YOUR test of YOUR commitment right now... loving someone who is hurting you in return... how long can you keep that up is the test... HE wants to know how committed you are... but he's NOT going to ask you, he's going to TEST you, which is exactly what he's doing.
7. If you have a wedding ring, you damn well better be wearing it. And make a point of it too.
8. You need to get him some authority figures to get healthy marriage advocate advice from
