Although I find many of your posts to be helpful to many of the newcomers, could you also please reiterate the fact that your information and knowledge is based on first hand experience and that each person here has to go through their own journey and that it WILL be different for each person.
I HAVE said all these things and many more since I got here. I have also done quite a bit of illustrating, attempting to comfort, build the confidence of the people here, all the while, saying again and again, that each person has to take their journeys on their own, not all people are the same, there are NO guarantees in MLC or life in general; that what is important is the journey taken to wholeness.
Again, people must take the journey, coming out as better people, regardless of whether the marriage makes it, does not make it; those that come through have gained the tools of a lifetime, and the changes ARE necessary to be successful in the coming through.
The six stages were written as a GUIDE and nothing more; they were NOT "simple steps to success".
The lessons I wrote were for all people going through their journeys; things they would have to learn.
As far as people attempting to "fit" their situations into those six stages, that was the same as when I was here the last time.
I've been TOTALLY honest about not having all the answers; if I did, NO ONE would have to go through this.
With that said, I take total responsibility for the answers I do give. I researched heavily years ago; and answers I give in the direction of MLC'er/OW thoughts/actions come from that research, not necessarily the particular situation I faced.
I have observed several MLC situations since my own ended, and have drawn knowledge and understanding from those, as well.
I have a tendency to look within a situation from the OUTSIDE. I'm not in it, therefore I can see a little more; I look for the factors driving an event, not always the event, itself, and these type answers are NOT ALWAYS based on what my situation entailed, though a memory or two may come up from that time.
I have NO ego about this, nor do I have any "illusions" about myself.
EACH PERSON IS DIFFERENT, EACH SITUATION IS DIFFERENT; AND ALTHOUGH GENERAL KNOWLEDGE IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING, YOU CANNNOT BASE YOUR SITUATIONS ON "ASSUMPTIONS"; ASSUMING THAT BECAUSE I OR ANYONE ELSE TRAVELED ONE PARTICULAR PATH, YOU WILL DO THE SAME. THIS PATH, CONTAINS ITS OWN TWISTS AND TURNS, AND IS UNIQUE FOR ALL INVOLVED. I DO NOT HAVE A CRYSTAL BALL, AND CANNOT SEE THE FUTURE. THE FUTURE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT, AND MAKE IT A GOOD ONE.
PLEASE REMEMBER THIS!
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
