flowmom, it hasn't felt like pursuing because my H has never felt pursued by me. He has felt overlooked and ignored, and he has felt alone.
I think that the space I gave him when he first left helped give him time to think and breathe. However, when I ignored him and did not contact him, I only made him feel more overlooked, ignored, and alone. I was proving his point that he was in a bad marriage with a wife who could do just fine with or without him.
Of course, keep in mind that my recent communication with him has not been over the top (meaning entirely too frequent on my part). I don't stalk him or call and go on a crying jag. However, in this past week, my recent showing of emotions (even crying) has pulled him closer because that was something I didn't do before. He has felt useful and for lack of a better term, manly. I now see that these were feelings he desperately needed in our marriage.
Bottom line--my 180 has not felt like pursuing to me because my 180 involves the opposite of the way I previously handled things. It has endeared me to him, and I can tell that it has made him feel protective and important.
180s are supposed to feel counter-intuitive, right? Well, being raw and exposed and vulnerable feels counter-intuitive to me. Leaning on someone for support feels counter-intuitive to me. Therefore, I'll keep going down this road and continue to monitor my results.
