I think I'm probably going to take my maiden name back. Like the others said above, it was a symbol of our union, and now that union is gone. Also, since my kids are older (college and 11th grade), I'm not considered about having the same name that they do. Maybe if they were still little, but not now. I maybe setting myself up for some aggravation in changing my name, so I'm considering myself forewarned now!
Oh- and as for your questions as to why your XW decided to show her real self and sincerity at the last minute- just my opinion as a woman, but it probably didn't mean anything. Those thoughts were bothering her, and she relieved herself of them by taking an emotional dump on you... I'm sorry she did that- it was not fair. She purged herself, and as a result, burdened you with those thoughts.
Ugggghhhhhh. I'm not ready to see W with her old last name, but truthfully I haven't been ready for any of this. The pattern is -- revelation then stabs of pain -- then wake up the next day with the realization that the train continues.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Beautiful day, weather-wise. I spent all of it out front raking, pruning, and primping so the place looks even better when prospects pull up,
A couple stopped by, asked me about the house, wanted to know if they could see it right now. I said you'd have to call broker. And give me 15 minutes to straighten a couple of things up inside. We talked a full twenty minutes and the husband kept saying, "not now. Tomorrow after church." She calls broker. Broker says he'll be right over, husband says tomorrow. Okay, tomorrow at 12:00.
Broker calls me a few minutes later and says, "I have a couple who are 1/2 a mile away. They'll be there in 5 minutes." I tell him I need twenty, he grumbles, couple shows up 20 minutes later.
I make myself scarce like one is expected to do while your house is being shown. I go for a walk.
Not five minutes into my walk, X calls me. "What is going on? Broker just called me and said you refused two showings today!" Not true. I explain and get off phone very quickly.
Now I'm real p!ssed at broker. If I refused two showings today, then who's this couple traipsing through my house with an agent right now?
And the other couple that switched from "right now," to "tomorrow after church"...I was talking to them a full half hour. Broker? All of 30-45 seconds on the phone.
And what's this move? Broker gets upset, so he "tells my ex-wife on me"??! I was livid. Still am.
I called him 3 times. left 3 messages. Then I emailed him telling him to stick around after tomorrow's 12:00 showing because he and I have some things to discuss. I found this broker. I called him. I chose him. X is out of the loop on this and has not lifted a finger, washed a window or contributed a dime to getting this place ready for sale. Heck, she even managed a clause in the final agreement that I have sole responsibility for upkeep, cleaning, staging and all aspects of handling and expediting sale.
Gonna tell this ba$tard tomorrow that X is co-owner and nothing more other than a signatory at the closing. I'm his client! At least I am for now....
I can't wait to get out of this money-sucking-last-vestige-of-any-connection-with X-house...
Grrrr mumble, mumble. Okay. I'm done. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Surviving The Big D already in progress....
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I don't know if you have any kind of sole-agency or how it works in your neck of the woods... if you can...
Play a little game with the stinker. After the showing tomorrow tell him his "services" will no longer be required. When he asks why you tell him his little dirty underhanded tricks of running around behind your back and whining to X are not acceptable. You do not do business with backstabbers.
Let him apologize and warn him that if he EVER communicates with her behind your back again he can kiss his commission goodbye because that is a breach of contract in your books.
Let the SOB sweat a bit.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Weird, poignant, journaling. Couldn't sleep tonight, so I watch some TV. Well, not TV, really, since I hate it and don't have TV reception, cable, Dish, nothing. Just watch movies and other DVDs.
Tonight, I'm enjoying one of the chapters of The Beatles Anthology DVD set. At one point, sudden, overwhelming sadness. Boom. Tears, weepy, etc. Out of nowhere. First time in a while. WTF?
I don't know why, but I'm thinking something triggered it so I go back and re-watch last half hour of the chapter I'm on. At one point, there's Paul singing "Yesterday." Fine.
When he gets to the line "Why she had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say." It stung. I started to well up, slightly. Wow. That's what had done it!
I was glad I backtracked and tracked down my suspicion but I was dumbfounded that something like that could suddenly, almost subliminally "get" to me. Especially since I wasn't watching or listening intently: I was paying bills, posting on the boards, etc., with the DVD on in the background.
Go figure.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I don't know if you have any kind of sole-agency or how it works in your neck of the woods... if you can...
Play a little game with the stinker. After the showing tomorrow tell him his "services" will no longer be required. When he asks why you tell him his little dirty underhanded tricks of running around behind your back and whining to X are not acceptable. You do not do business with backstabbers.
Let him apologize and warn him that if he EVER communicates with her behind your back again he can kiss his commission goodbye because that is a breach of contract in your books.
Let the SOB sweat a bit.
Gardener, I really like Gnosis' approach here. One question for you: Who does hte listing agreement say the realtor represents? If it's just you, he has likely breached the agreement by having a confidential communication (one he should only have with you) with your X. Probably some state ethical guideline he broke.
Just saying. Might be worth asking him about. And if it gives you a basis to can this guy, get another realtor.
About the unexpected tears.. your subliminal mind is your buddy. Scientists have found that emotional tears remove toxins and ease stress. So good job!
About your broker.. you're a guy, guys have a different way of handling confrontation. Me.. I'd step back and identify what was so jarring. Being attacked by the former spouse, a sense of dismissal by the broker, dissemination of facts. Cause someone got their info wrong.. and based on your former spouse's track record (emailing your lawyer, etc) it's probably her.
Get out of the emotional stew. Look at the facts. Know what the issue is. Ask the broker if he knows why you received a hysterical call from your former spouse. He'll answer. You'll nod your head. Set your boundaries for what is a good working relationship with him. Both of you agree on the parameters. If he's going to call the former spouse, he has to alert you.
And your broker is your friend; he's helping sell your house.
Remember, when an overblown emotional upset occurs, it's usually a projection of another pain. It's easier to get mad at the broker (and feel like you have some control) than at your former spouse.
gima, Yeah, I am going to play hardball and leave him with an: "Okay, clearly I have a decision to make, here..."
As co-owners, X and I have signed everything: Agreement, Property Disclosure, etc. Still, I told him the story from the beginning concluding with, "I am your client, I am your sole contact."
And I would've though he'd know better as he is in the middle of - get this - his fourth divorce!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Well, if you both signed the listing agreement, then technically, he represents you both. But, that doesn't excuse what he did. Set a boundary with him.
