honesty is a requirement, sugar coating doesn't help anything, unless you want a shoulder to cry on, the sooner you embrace reality whatever that happens to be in your respective situation and deal with it honestly, the sooner you'll get on your feet and work on you and deal with your relationship on even ground.
People who are "hurting" are already hurt, not by me or any other user on these forums. The real abuse has happened back in their homes with the treatment they're receiving from their spouses, the lies, the deceit, the dishonesty, the affairs, etc.
You can't hold people on these forums to a higher standard than your own spouse.
The evidence you are looking for, won't ever be found in some medical psychiatric scientific community journal - who is going to participate in these studies and be brutally honest about what they've done as far as lying and cheating? If that's what you're looking for, you can end your search because you won't find statistics.
Come to these forums and other websites that discuss similar situations and do your own documentation if you're really interested in numbers, document how many stories you read about that contain "ILYBINILWY" and document how many times the LBS has found out that the WAS was either actively involved in an affair, had finished an affair, was considering starting an affair vs. no affairs or no extra-marital love interests whatsoever - I am confident that you will find that the numbers are heavily stacked in one direction so you can let go of the need to substantiate what we're saying with statistics, that's unrealistic.
People who are hurting need to be healed, need to be educated as to what they did to contribute to their situation and assume responsibility for their actions and at the same time let go of the need to assume responsibility for every problem in the marital relationship and just be realistic about the entire situation but none of this will happen until they are honest about the situation they are in.
