"I love you, but I'm not in love with you any longer..."
One of my biggest gripes about the Divorce Busting community is the misconception that ILYBNILWY is some sort of barometer, indicating the presence of another (wo)man.
Not only is this nonsense; but I also believe it is harmful to new people, who may appear here seeking help, only to have their impressionable heads filled up with fantastic images of supermodels and bodybuilders having wild, passionate whoopie with the love of their lives.
Before I go any further, let me introduce myself. My nym is crushed. About six weeks ago I found this forum after my own wife used this line on me. Was there another person in her life? Yes, but there have been many other people in her life, and in her case the line was delivered as a sort of sadistic game. For years, my wife has been unfaithful. She never gave me the line in the past. In fact, usually, she got very nice and attentive after she had a fling, as though she was feeling a bit guilty and wanting to make sure I didn't suspect anything.
I tell my wife I'm not in love with her any longer. That's true. The reality is that if she began improving her behavior, and taking her position as wife and mother seriously, I might move back into the love zone. Take me seriously on this, all you left behind spouses. Do what works, not what makes you feel avenged.
Peace, CV_95
So you're telling us as a newbie on this forum that your main gripe is the term "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and how alot of us tell newcomers that more times than not, it signals the fact that there is someone else in the picture, ie. another man or woman.
Then you go on to mention that your own wife used this with you possibly a few times and you have confirmed that she was cheating on you and having affairs with other men.
So what is your gripe essentially? It seems that this information was accurate in your situation.
Crushed, here's a newsflash, ILYBINILWY will not always mean 100% of the time that your spouse is cheating on you. But isn't 70,80 or 90% good enough when making a generalization like this?
But from our experiences on this forum, more times than not, that is the case when this catch phrase is used. It's called WAS script, it's referred to as "script" because alot of walk away spouses tend to use it when they meet someone new and begin an affair and instead of being honest with their wives & husbands, they'll use this line among many others to feel less guilty about what they're doing rather than be blatantly honest and admit they're having an affair.
