Destiny, You are so very new to this path and I can understand the hurt, confusion, etc., that you have right now. What your h is and continues to say to you is what many of us have heard. I can remember long ago my xh lashing out at me and I couldn't believe what had come out of his mouth and his thought processes were so not right.
It took me a long time to understand that it wasn't me that he was lashing out at, but he was lashing out at himself, his life and the people who had hurt him so long ago. It takes a lot of time for them to settle down and come to realize that you, the spouse, are the one single, most important gift that they ever had. It's hard for them to grasp that no matter what they say or do, we still love them and feel compassion for them. They just don't understand how anyone could still have feelings for them even after all that have done.
Destiny, give yourself time to better understand what is going on. You are taking his every word to heart and I have been there, just as everyone else has too. Time and space will help you too. As you walk the path, you will learn how to step back and observe from afar and then you'll have a better understand of what is going on w/him. For now, please take care of yourself. Pamper yourself with a lovely bubblebath, candles and a good book or movie. You need to be taking care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
