W officially in R w/ OM-

[newmama]

I simply told her that I understand what she's saying but that her views on M are naive- that M is a responsibility and not one to be taken lightly.

Again, this is to a couple whom were invited to our wedding.

So- I have nixed them from my life now.

Keeping clear from the vortex

good idea to stay away from people who are not pro-marriage! And I think lots and lots of people underestimate the challenges of marriage! I knew there would be challenge but was clueless about what they would be- still I picked a strong guy to be my H for this reason but turns out he was waaaay more insecure than I knew!
And if your wife is a trainer (fitness?) she might be one who bases self esteem on her looks? (NOT THAT EVERY TRAINER DOES THIS!!!)

I read "nothing prepares you for marriage except for marriage." sigh!

About the dogs...tough call. I'm not kidding, but I have read about couples making custody arrangements and a schedule for the dogs. What do you think? My other thought is either say: they are hers or say you will adopt them.

[jasper67]

Thanks newma- BTW you look great and thanks for accepting me on FB.

W is a horse trainer- sorry I wasn't more specific...bad news is the horse crowd is VERY snooty, and also very self-centered...

As for the dogs, W has been out of the house for a month now...once I found out about OM2, I told W I would not care for her 2 dogs while she was having an A. Came home the other day and the dogs were here...I reminded her to respect my boundary and no reply.

If I care for them she has amble time to knock boots w/ OM2.

Truth is I love them dearly, I will likely make an issue of at least one of them if the D proceeds.

Thanks for cheking in on me.

[Allen A]

Maynard, I actually would take a different approach.

I would accept the responability for the dogs and NOT let HER visit them...

When you turn the dogs away, you are showing a smiliar aittitude taht she has to your marriage... set a good example of adulthood and take on the dogs I say...

But do NOT let her visit them...

I love dogs, I would never part with one, never mind two

[jasper67]

I appreciate the advice...tomorrow I will change the locks on the house.

I did this once before but she and her paralegal friend called a locksmith and had them pop the lock.

I hate that for WAW everything now is based on legal rights and not respect or consideration...for instance the A while still LEGALLY married- yet she can calim a right to come and go b/c she's LEGALLY entitled too.

It's obv that W is in total selfish mode...everything based on feelings and on what is easiest or feels best.

[jasper67]

Heard back from one of W's family members (JJ)... it's amazing the skewed view W and her hangers-on have of the sitch...W is seemingly w/o fault and an absolute angel...lol.

It was nice to have a conversation w/ someone who seemed to care and look at both sides w/o judging...I feel somewhat validated.

JJ also was disgusted at W's actions towards my parents and couldnt believe that W would continue to not own up and be more communicative w/ them. And claimed that MIL's position is not shared by her, and is rather typical of MIL...apparently MIL did not purse C w/ her XH, and doesn not believe in C all together.

JJ assured me she is concerned for W, that W seems to be more into night life and parties, acting more like she's 18-20...her thoughts on OM2 were equally as disapproving.

JJ has not read DR or DB, but she told me W is cake eating and needs to experience loss...be reminded of what she's missing...she has to hit a bottom.

There are no guarantees...I guess that's the key part for me to understand.


GALd by playing golf today, NC w/ W...did not bother mentioning anything about the dogs again.

[newmama]

maybe JJ will share her view w/ the rest of W's family-especially her mom!

[jasper67]

I do hope so eventually...she started the conversation by saying, "I am nothing like MIL, and from hat you told me of MIL's response, I can say that sounds just like her..."

That bothers me b/c they always say if you want to know what to expect from your W, you need to see what her mother is like...not a great sign of anything to come.

Both W and MIL do not share their personal lives, they keep everything in- then come resentments, stonewalling, etc.

I know that W and JJ have a good R, that W lived w/ JJ for a while during a really difficult time in her life years ago.

I do hope that something is said or shared, but at this point I'm done w/ the hope thing...I need more help myself than my M does at this point. I've really done some damage to myself emotionally and financially.

It's funny b/c all the effort that I put into busting the A was played off as me being psyco- but when I shared it w/ JJ- she very quickly determined that I was just being aceoncerned H and seeking help from family to "intervene"...


She also said that after MIL received my last e-mail several weeks ago, and MIL told JJ I had contacted her, JJ thought to herself it was only a matter of time before I had contacted her...lol. It's funny that I am so predictable.

I'm going to stop w/ that though b/c I dont like other people knowing what I'm going to do before I do.

Feeling sick again today, going to speak w/ a Dr. about an anti-deppressant- probably should have done that a while ago.

[chatterbug]

Good call going to the doctor. Keep grounding Maynard. Everyonce in a while you need to stop. Catch your breathe and look at how far you have come.

[jasper67]

Thanks CB, haven't heard from you in a bit, hope alls well-

Dad is becoming more and more upset w/ my sitch demanding that I do something to end it.

I'm upset b/c that has been a huge part of my faults, letting my family determine what I do w/ my life. I want to take a stand, but it looks bad when I take opposition considering the fact that W's loan is handing over my dad's head.

I'd hate to lose my family over this, but I also find it disturbing that that is even a possibility...

[Gnosis]

Then think about what is the most important to you... people who have your back or people who stab you in the back.