I know I can get the physical stuff right in a relationship, but the emotional connection has always been a problem for me, and with him it seemed like it might work … and he’s hot
I kind of envy you, because my experience has been the opposite. The emotional connection has always been easy for me, but the physical one has not (certainly not in my marriage). Maybe it has to do with the fact that I love conversations. Or for some reason, I end up having them for hours and hours.
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I haven’t asked him where he stays when he goes home – but despite what he reckons about “not being married like (I) think he is” it would appear pretty clear that he’s staying at the family home.
OK, right off the bat, my reaction is you know way too little about him to let yourself be that involved with him. We may be different people, so my approach might not work for you, but here's what I would have done in your situation. If I really cared for him, I'd ask him a lot of questions about his relationship, and try to get him to see that he might be able to salvage his own relationship with his wife. I mean, you really cared for him as a person, right? If not, then you were in it just for yourself, right? You have to be honest with yourself too.
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I feel really dirty. and really stupid.
Don't worry about that. It means you LEARNED something. You learend first-hand what is really difficult to learn by just hearing it from someone. No pain, no gain, as they say!
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So, sincerely admitting that I haven’t been living up to my highest ethical values, and I haven’t been taking your advice … I’m back on the wagon. I’m dumping his sorry ar$e and focussing on love.
OK, here's where I differ from you, and it might get to your point about emotional vs. physical connections and what you have difficulty with. Again, don't take this advice, because it might not work for you. But if I were in your shoes, I remain friends with this person, if possible. I mean, you both cared for each other in some way, no? I have never "dumped" a woman, ever. I have only indicated that I would like to be friends (and imply only friends). But I have had several women who refused to talk to me because I did not want to get romantically involved with them, but that was their choice. And yes, because they refused to talk to me, I felt more "used" by them than women who were fine being only friends. It's hard to escape the feeling that a woman who "dumped" me in this way was only interested in me as a romantic object, or as a "boyfriend" they could "show off" to their friends, that is, I was someone only fulfilling a "status" for them.
And that is the way I feel about any woman. If we're friends, then we're friends forever, even if the sex doesn't work out. But maybe that's just me, and I'm not like most people.
DQ, your'e welcome to get on my case about this, as you've pointed out that I'm nothing special, and my situation is nothing special. I'm just arrogant enough to THINK I'm special. So burst my little bubble if you want! ;-) [/quote]
