The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

Mindfull, what do you mean by fuel their fire?

I ask myself every day if I'm handling this well with the girls and I guess I won't really know the answer until years from now.

My example is my parents. My mom tore my father down constantly. My dad never really said anything negative about my mom. I think my mom was very insecure about me because I was a sports nut just like my dad and she worried I'd end up moving in with him.

Funny thing is I never considered it. I also always blamed my dad for the D -- perhaps because I only got mom's side. Looking back now, my mom was dating someone before the D was final. That had to sting. They're both gone so I can't dig deeper.

Just writing that down makes me wonder again how I'm doing. D11 was asking questions last night and I was answering them. I don't want to cut her off -- that's what W is doing to her -- but I don't want to be campaigning for credit either.

Maybe I'm still sensitive from a few weeks ago when they told me they thought I left on my own. I was shocked. I told them, no, W asked me to leave.

I hate the idea of co-parenting. I've always thought we were a great team when it came to being parents. Lord this is going to be tough going forward.

[mindfull]

CTH - You appear to be doing fabulously w/the girls!!! Don't misunderstand...

Fuel the fire.. just be careful not to add too much info to their knowledge base, even if it means leaving a bit to the imagination!

Congrats to D11! Great production!!!!

Be strong, Be patient, Show those girls that no matter what's thrown at you, it's all good!!! DAD will fix it!!!

[ClingingToHope]

Feeling OK today. I think this year's spring cold will be a mild one. I have to get going on work though. If I can wrap up everything by 2:30 p.m. I can hang out with D7 all afternoon.

She has some Daisy Troup thing tonight at 5:30 p.m. that should be fun, plus she wants to play with her new friend in the apartment complex.

Felt good this morning. 99 percent of the interaction with W was good last night.

[Drew]

Felt good this morning. 99 percent of the interaction with W was good last night.

The two shouldn't be related.

[ClingingToHope]

Good news. I zoomed through work and am off to the weekend. I'm only going to have D7 for much of it and the spring cold I thought I was catching yesterday doesn't seem to be too bad.

[Gardener]

Felt good this morning. 99 percent of the interaction with W was good last night.

The two shouldn't be related.

Good point, Drew.

[ClingingToHope]

Good times with D7. The Daisy Troup thing was at a gymnastics center so D7 got to run and jump on the trampoline and the vault pit.

Since Daisies normally is on Monday -- W's day -- I noticed a bit of a cold shoulder among the moms.

As part of it they needed parents to help kids balance on the beam. I volunteered and spent 10 minutes helping girls up and keeping them on the beam.

After that I was one of the parental gang.

D7 was tuckered after.

We came home and she basically played on the Wii.

W dropped D11 off here at 10:30 p.m. She's tired from the play. I have to have her back to the theater by 12:45 p.m.

I was playing a game for D7 on the Wii as W came in and dropped off D11's stuff. She told D11 not to stay up too late and said she's going home to bed because she's tired.

I was busy with the game so I forgot to say good night.

I think I'll see W tomorrow. D7 and I are going to swing by after the first play because it's family day and D7 can go up on stage and everyone can take pictures.

A Realtor friend of mine has been texting to see how I'm doing. I texted back fine and asked what was going on next weekend.

I'm a planner. I'm already trying to see what's happening next weekend. That's really the last free one I have for a while.

I'll be working in Chicago the 20/21 then have the girls the 27/28 and April 3/4.

Life is pretty good today. I had some down moments at work thinking about things. Overall this was a B+ day.

[ClingingToHope]

Woke up with a stuffy nose and scratchy eyes. Annual spring cold has got me and D7.

D7 and D11 are playing on the Wii again so I can lay on the couch. Hoping for a really lazy day today.

Life is feeling normal -- is that acceptance?

I notice a lot of the people I've been following are hitting the final D stages. I'm guessing now that D11's play is over W can get going again on the D. She still hasn't gotten me all of the necessary documents to finish our taxes. Since we are due a decent return and she's broke she must really be behind on things not to have gotten this done.

Me? I'm starting to feel a bit down about having to work so much with the running race stuff. Last year it was a Godsend not for the money but for the fact it chewed up so much time over weekends.

Now it's backwards. I'm not so excited about all of the time it'll take up, but I really need the money.

I need to live debt neutral from today to end of D process to have any chance to wipe the CC debt W left me and I've added to setting up this new existence.

Of course, if things don't go well in the D process there's always bankruptcy. That would be weird since I pride myself on handling money. But W may have doomed me over the past three years.

[Gardener]

CTH,

Life is feeling normal -- is that acceptance?

I'd say so. Besides, who cares: enjoy it! The return of normal - even a new one - is great!

I need to live debt neutral from today to end of D process to have any chance to wipe the CC debt W left me and I've added to setting up this new existence.

Oh, do I hear you. It's as though on Bomb day I was handed a "financial shovel" and have had to just keep digging myself a hole.

Enjoy your daughters and your normal day.

[ClingingToHope]

D7 is off playing with kids in the apartment complex. That includes the son of the crazy neighbor who may force me to move.

D7's not feeling well, but the sun is out and she's just a kid so she's out playing, playing, playing. She has amazing energy. I wish D11 had some of it. She's like W in that she just wants to lay around all day.

W was able to keep her shape by dancing. D11 isn't into that. I'm trying to get her to run with me in the summer. It's definitely a fine line in trying to motivate her without giving her negative body complexes.

At least it's allowing me to lay down for a while. I should clean or something. Don't feel like it today. This place is a bachelor pad. I'm not here much and other than keep the dishes clean, I'm no neat freak. I think I'm still decompressing from all of the housework I did in 2007, 2008 and early 2009 to help lift W from depression.

The only time I really clean up is if W is going to have stop by or drop off the girls. Which reminds me I will have to clean up a bit tonight since W will be dropping D11 off after the play.

Once I find someone else I think that'll give me more incentive. Otherwise, right now this is a place I get my mail except for when the girls are over.