MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

What a shi*** morning. I need your opinons, did I screw up?

Last night WH calls me and tells me that he went for a full physical and will be having all of his blood work done and that he also talked to his therapist on the phone. Good, he did everything that I suggested the day before. I said that I'm happy because I was worried about him. He said not to worry that he is fine. He sounded much better, not depressed... All I was thinking is that the situation with the OW must have improved.

Sure enough, this morning he calls me and asks to come over that he needs to talk to me. I said that it's not convenient right now that he can tell me on the phone. So he said "I'm leaving tonight and will be back in a week (this after telling me 2 days ago that he is not going anywhere). I kind of lost it and told him, "How do you expect me to stay in business with you, things change from day to day and I don't know what to expect. How can I make appointments for us if I never know when you will be available, or if a client wants to see you do I say sorry, he can't this week he is visiting his mistress?"

I got emotional, of course it's not just business for me, it hurts when he tells me that he is going to see her. And he pretty much has to tell me when he is leaving town, since we are in business together. We both started raising our voices so I wanted to defuse it. I said that I don't want to fight with him. "Do what you must, just keep in mind that I will not talk with you while you are with her. Then I said I'll talk to you in a week, have fun.

After I hung up I felt so bad about how it went. This is so hard.

Then he sends me an email. Here it is:

If I can’t convince you that I work and will work, than you have to just see when it happens before you believe I guess. It’s difficult now... But my resolve to get the business back on track is the same, and we need each other to do that. You feel trapped and so do I. I know the difference for you... I am not disregarding it... And I am not sure if you will be able to work with me to make this happen. I don’t know what the future will bring for me personally.... But I know that I only have one choice regarding the business, and that is get it back. Many business didn’t make it last year... I believe we will get through it ... But I understand if you can’t continue working with me, we will have to go to another plan and I am not sure what that is... I know this business is our best chance to get our finances back in order.

You are hurting... And so am I. you say it’s my choice, but that doesn’t make it less painful...

I am sorry for the pain I bring you...

Another email from him 5 minutes later:

Please don’t tell her husband I am gone and if he will know, don’t tell him when I left... I am just trying to be 100% open about everything with you, that’s the only way you can begin to start trusting me again, but it means I have to tell you things you don’t like... I don’t and will not lie to you... And I know I can trust you. Thank you.


I replied this:

It’s so very sad to see how this “love affair” controls you. You seem to be a slave to it. Unwilling or unable to see the price everyone pays; including you. It has changed who you are, how you think, your values and your principals. It’s more like a toxic obsession or fatal attraction if you will. Destroying everything in it’s path. This is not what love is supposed to be. There is nothing I can do about your choices, unfortunately (Daughter) and I are trapped in the rubble that you are leaving behind.

I will talk to you about business when you get back.

I know that you are no supposed to confront them and that I'm supposed to validate not judge. But I guess I wrote that email to set boundaries by letting him know how I feel?

Did I do wrong? Looking for opinions.....