Like Old Pilot posted, you might want to consider starting a thread of your own here, getting the opinions of others regarding this situation.
As for me; I see one thing right off the bat; your husband is chasing your daughter to try and have a relationship with her; and because she's refusing(which is her right, considering what's going on), he's threatening you in as many ways as he possibly can, so you'll "make" your daughter connect with him.
Plus, he's trying to put you AND your daughter on a guilt trip; take this all with a grain of salt; he's out of his mind at this point in time.
The relationship between the MLC'er and his nearly grown children is up to them; as hard as it is.
It DOES sound like a tantrum coming out of Withdrawal; "my way or no way/the highway" ; yet, from what I can see, he's STILL in Replay, what with the OW, younger friends, etc...he's still trying to be young again.
This is all about control, them attempting to control what goes on; maybe one last ditch effort on his part, to see if you/your daughter will cave to his demands.
It makes me wonder how the OW fits into all this; and what she is seeing at this point; I can guarantee you, she's getting all kinds of heck from him. When it gets this bad, she's NOT able to ignore it anymore, or even to "get away" from it.......not that anyone cares, but when the "relationship" between the MLC'er and OW starts on a downhill slide; this is a good sign things are getting ready to break between them. Let us hope that is what is going on at this point.
I think something has started him into that "awakening", and because he cannot see any further than the damage he's already done, he's blaming everyone but himself for this whole mess.
It's awful what they see within themselves; as they "awaken", and that alone can trigger a fit or two, or three.
It seems that they will "test the waters" to see what they can get away with, if that makes any sense at all; the self-respect of the LBS is generally at stake here.
And, well, what did he expect??? He's torn down the family unit, taken an OW, gone totally nuts...
I know it's stupid.
IMHO, you're doing well, staying backed off, and although you're reading his texts, you're still letting it go until he makes some postive movement forward; such as getting rid of that OW for starters.
Please do start a thread of your own if you haven't already; someone else may see what I don't.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
