flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

I do not believe your H has a legal strategy. His strategy is depression.
Confusion = MLC

It causes most people to not think clearly or rationally.

Here's my confusion. I believe that H is depressed (or was at least) and that he may be in a MLC (though he may be just restructuring his identity as a WAS as someone pointed out. But in terms of H's actions, I do not believe that he will allow confusion or depression to stop him from setting goals and achieving them, since that has been a major driving force in his life. His goals now are likely creating a new identity (wanting to be the "artist of his life"), starting a new sexual relationship (probably already there), creating a coparenting R with me, and divorcing. He will most likely put the highest priority on achieving those goals even if there is depression/MLC brewing underneath. And he will most likely put the M behind him with little apparent grief as he did both of his dead brothers and his last totally different career path that he invested 6 years of education and a couple of years of work in.

This is a sketch of H's personality type that gives a very good idea of how he operates (INTJ):

General Description of the INTJ

* - Manipulates the world of theory as if on a gigantic chess board, always seeking strategies and tactics that have high payoff.
* - Eye for the consequence.
* - Can be ruthless.
* - Seldom counting personal cost .
* - Dealing with reality.
* - Using deductive logic, they use their intuition to grasp coherence.
* - Useful.
* - Creativity.
* - Very single minded at times - this can be a weakness or a strength.
* - They can ignore the points of view and wishes of others.
* - Coherence is the master.
* - Cost effective.
* - Relationships which have psychological distance.
* - Often seem demanding and difficult to satisfy.
* - Independent.
* - Hypersensitive to signals of rejection.
* - Others receive a sense of haste.
* - Vulnerable in the emotional area and may make serious mistakes here.
* - When asked to put something together for the first time - a prototype - he is all the more happy, since he is doing that which is most worthwhile.
* - Abhors unsnarling messes.
* - Things have to make sense.- Avoids redundancy.
* - May have difficulty communicating the details of goals.
* - Prefers not to say anything twice and assumes understanding.
* - Serious.
* - NTs tend to be relatively uninterested in acquiring wealth.
* - Nts usually take family responsibilities seriously.
* - NTs tend not to "own" the behaviors or bodies of their mates.
* - NTs' own errors are those which are inexcusable and unforgivable.

H may be in a MLC, but he does not live in the shades of grey of life. He will put on his black-and-white glasses and ACT. The only possible source of confusion for him will be that I am the mother of his children. But I believe that he will be able to put me in a "box" and figure out a way to treat me that honours me being the mother of his children...and nothing more.