Could it be?

[Upside]

I've been incredibly busy...not much time to post lately.

I have been doing my best to be patient. I did tell my H the other day that I see us going back to the way things were. I reminded him that he did say he would be moving back within the month and I don't see that happening. He replied that he wants to get over his depression before he moves back. Okay, that would be all fine and good if he were really trying to work on himself but he cancels his IC quite frequently. Not sure if he has had only 2 or 3 IC sessions. He must be paying a small fortune to the C for all of his cancelled appointments. We have spent several nights together this week but there seems to be little to no real connection occurring. I am thinking it may be time to set some new boundaries since communication from him has been a little sparatic and that isn't acceptable to me.

If I look for positives this week, My H did attempt to help me clean up the kitchen after dinner one night this week. That is a first since the bomb.

What did you think of what HB wrote?

I agree with HB that every time my H runs back it adds more time to this however when he does withdraw, it doesn’t seem as far. He constantly wants to knows know I am there but he still isn’t ready to fully commit to the marriage. He is now using business pressure and depression as the excuse. As far as the “children of his issues” go, I have only seen a rebellious teenager not wanting to be controlled by his mother. I don't know about his disintegration of personality yet. I suppose I will know it when I see it.

I know that you want understanding on his side. If that's what I'm looking for, I tend to double my efforts at being understanding or asking for clarification ie: "maybe I don't understand what it's like for you, would you share that with me?"

I have a tendency to always think I understand. I do need to validate more…it would just be nice to get a little validation in return every now and then…I know, it will happen eventually...right???

You're getting movement toward you, and that's a good sign.

From what I can see, he's pursuing you some, as he's keeping up the phone calls; staying in touch, and coming around more.

Little by little he appears to be coming back toward you.

I think my H is slowest moving MLCer in history. He has been moving toward me (...and then away...and then toward me) ever so slowly for at least 2 years now. Right now, I feel like we are in the same place we were when I gave him the deadline. Yes, he is busy (and scared) and I am busy but if we keep going on like this forever, we will be dead before he recommits. I thought the NC helped to push him forward but I’m not really seeing that right now. Any thought on how long I should let things go on like this?

If you recall, I mentioned that this part of the journey is the hardest one of all...you see him inching his way towards you and yet he's still so far away.

He is still so far away and yes, this is hard and I am trying to keep my expectations at zero…in fact, right now I am back to feeling numb, not really caring all that much if he comes or goes. That can’t be good either.

I am not an expert at this but in my sitch I would have jump for joy if I recieved an "I Love you" from my W.

There was a part of me that did jump for joy and then there is that other part of me that has learned to keep my expectations at zero and in the grand scheme of things, an “I love you” doesn’t really mean all that much. It is the actions that show he loves me that truly mean something.

Thank you all as always for your support and encouragement.