Start of the end..

[antlers]

Hey IWITW.

I'm sorry, and I know it hurts...we all do. Don't be concerned about the future; keep your attention on today, and stay in the present moment. Live one day at a time. I think the working out is gonna be great for you in a lot of ways. Your goal, and acknowledgements, are excellent!

Peace out.

[Gardener]

Stupid. I wonder if I will ever learn...

Learn what? To be human?

[iwantittowork]

Thank you Ant and Gardener, I need the support today bigtime.

I feel I have horribly backslid, and am in a bad spot right now.

I had to sign some paperwork for d9 school, and while picking her up, she was in the car, and I decided to give to stbxw and attempt to talk to her.

Bad mistake.

She was on the phone when I came to the door, and I stupidly asked if she was talking with her boyfriend. That set the tone for the next 10 minutes right off the bat.

We went back and forth on it, and she knows that the only way I could know was having read her emails. I just said you don't know what I know and what I don't know about you, and that I just want to be afforded the courtesy of her telling me before introducing anyone to my d9 in her life. She said she would ask her L if she needed to do that.

Then I tried to discuss finances, and why was she attempting the things she is, and that she is going to ruin me financially, and that is not good for d9 or our situation. To which she said that she didn't have time or patience to discuss this now, and that I was trying to start an argument, and that if I didn't leave now, she would call the police....

I was not arguing, I was just trying to talk to her about our financial future, and that of d9. I was not confrontational in my tone, but just trying to talk to her.

I left after a couple more minutes as it was clear that she is set on what she deserves from me, and that she sacrificed everything for her kids and me in our relationship and that I never did, nor contributed fairly to her life or that of her kids..

I seem to be stuck:

Trying to make sense out of nonsense.
Trying to be sane in an insane situation.

[antlers]

Which way do you think will leave you in a stronger position after an interaction like this?

a. Beat yourself up for backsliding.

b. Forgive yourself for backsliding, learn from it, and resolve to not do it again.


Let it go man. You can't control her thoughts, feelings, or actions...so why bother? You can control all of these things for yourself though...so do it. Once you get to where it doesn't matter what she thinks, feels, or does...you'll be in a place where you look good on the inside to yourself! I know you hurt. That's part of this crap. No way around it...only through it! Get outside and go do some physical exertion.

[iwantittowork]

Agreed Ant, and I am attempting B.

I am actually not trying to control anything she is doing, I am just trying to understand it, and why.

And it turns out, that is the piece I am struggling with, as it doesn't seem to make sense.

I guess that is the crux, that it doesn't make sense, so you truly can't understand it..

[antlers]

I know about the need to understand, we all do...but, you/we may never understand. I think the key is to get to where it doesn't matter! It 'is' what it is.

[ClingingToHope]

What's not to understand on the finances. She's being advised to go after every dime. I'm sure she feels she's doing it for her and D9.

You're looking out for you financial interests.

Look, when I got the divorce petition I called W and we had a 10 minute argument.

I felt awful about it because it made me feel weak.

I resolved to discuss nothing about the D with W. That's to be handled through the attorneys.

Make that pledge to yourself. Talk nothing about the D with your stbx. That's waht the lawyers are for.

[Gardener]

IWITW.

I resolved to discuss nothing about the D with W. That's to be handled through the attorneys.

Make that pledge to yourself. Talk nothing about the D with your stbx. That's waht the lawyers are for.

^^^ THIS ^^^ Bingo.

[iwantittowork]

Hey CTH and Gardener, True, and up to today, I had been following that as well, not to talk to stbxw at all about d.

Slipped today for sure, in trying to understand her position on going for every penny, and why.

I do feel weak, and did when talking to her, so understand your point.

The L's will do what they are going to do, and the law will decide, and I'll have to accept and live with whatever it is. That's about as much as I can do I suppose.

I guess it's still fear of the unknown that has a grip on me, unknown when this will be over, or even started for that matter, what the future has in store, etc.

I am trying to live day by day, and in the present, and at times that seems tough to keep in perspective.

[antlers]

Mine is going after everything she can, ruthlessly. Once her lawyer saw what was involved (assets) he started 'churning' big time! She's going after crap she swore she didn't want any part of. It helps me to keep the legal side of this mess separate from the other part of it, because as I've been told by people here...it 'is' separate. What's the 'worst' that could happen? We'd be in financial dire straights for a good while? Can you 'survive' that? I can and you can! It won't be fun...in fact, it'll be a b!tch. But, we can survive it. It's not gonna kill us!