It is a difficult person to love. But it can happen.
I think you need to detach for a little while and determine if you are strong enough to love someone who is Bi-polar. Then you are going to have to determine if she is worth that complete unconditional support.
And if she is then you need to start with your support of your GF and build in some boundaries on conversations about BP and medication.
BUT.
Because she is BP.
Do not go DARK.
I repeat.
Do not go DARK.
You must remain dim. If you do not hear from her every 3 to 5 days contact her about something and then keep the topic simple and on target. No R talk. No chase.
Just let her know you are still there. Letting her have the space to figure things out.
While that is going on read and read and read and read about BP and also take some time to listen to the advice of some of the women and men on this website who are BP or have BP spouses.
But do not go dark.
Unless you want to walk away.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
There are a few doctors who believe BPD is treatable by meds, most significantly there is a doctor in FL whose website swears by Prozac for BPD. A majority of ppl with BPD also have other disorders that accompany it, in which case they would be medicated for the other disorder and in therapy for both. My W's treatment involves seroquil for bipolar and it levels out the extreme mood swings associated with BPD.
H28 | WAW24 | S8 | D5 | SD2 | D1 | T6 | M1 My Story | My Motivation
Scott, I was married to a Borderline for 12 years and it was pure hell.
I had never heard of this personality disorder before, and kept trying to figure out what was wrong and tried to fix it because I loved him so much.
But BPD is one of, if not the, scariest ones that there is. They have absolutely no regard for anyone but themselves and will say and do anything to get what they want. They lie, rewrite history, compartmentalize with ease, horrible, dark mood swings, irrational fits of anger, etc.
And there is absolute nothing that you can do. There is no correct answer to any of their "questions," no solution to any of their "problems." And that is the whole point to their sick games. It is a trap with no way out. You just have to get away from them.
Bi-polar has many of the same symptoms, and may be "treated" with varying degrees of success, but the individual needs to have the intellect to rise above their illness and know that they must stay on their meds. Too many of them do not have this. So, unless you are prepared for a life of pure hell, I advise you to move on.
Get out of the rescue mode and find a nice, healthy woman to spend your life with.
DO NOT MARRY AND BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS HELLISH SITUATION!!
Kimmie definitely has something you'll have to think about. As far as me wanting to reconcile with my WAW, her BPD and bipolar has not changed my mind. The difference is we have 6 years, a M, and kids. That may be part of why it's so hard to let go. Can you see yourself with anyone else? I can't but am trying to. I think that's the secret to surviving a D in the first place. That's not to say I'm favoring it, just preparing like we all should. Sounds like you and me both have some thinking to do, and it's going to take weeks or months to sort out. Just make sure to ask yourself the hard questions when needed, which is every time they come up.
H28 | WAW24 | S8 | D5 | SD2 | D1 | T6 | M1 My Story | My Motivation
Just to recap, my g/friend had an episode and wanted a break from the relationship (the longer story is at the start) - she had some big triggers, was on her meds but had not seen her pdoc in 6 months.
After my last call with my g/friend - she was quite annoyed I brought up her BP and later sent me an email: At the end of the day I got an email from her (I have edited some bits):
'I know you think I am going through an 'episode', but I want you to respect what is going through my mind all the same. This seems to be my pattern. I don't know why. But I need to go away and figure some things out. And I know you don't think that you do, but as much as my opinion counts, I think you do. Are you thinking this is part of my bipolar behaviour? If it is, it is, but that is me.Please forgive me for writing my thoughts to you, but I'm not strong when you turn it all around, and the conversation becomes all about my bipolar.'
I sent back a caring email and a few days ago she rang me out of the blue.
She had misplaced her house keys - asking if I'd drop over my spare ones in her letterbox. We had a good chat catching up on friends - I kept everything nice and light - she said she was 'OK' but she volunteered (without me asking) that she had been back seeing her pdoc (therapy & meds) lately - which I told her was great. And we left it at let's catch up for a coffee sometime.
I was so pleased she had finally been seeing her pdoc!
Then she sent me a message later that night - ending it with a kiss. Bizarre - this was how we used to finish all our messages.
I haven't sent her a text back yet though - because I don't know what to do!
Again I don't know how to handle this 'space' thing!! But with her making contact - and volunteering that she's gone back to her pdoc - does this mean she could be opening up more?
