Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sandi, glad you were able to vent too. Sometimes it feels good to vent. I completely understand when you say some people seem to vilianize WAWs. I'm sure the fact that they have been hurt has a lot to do with it. I don't/won't do that with my W. I do try to see things through her POV. I do the best I can with this as she hasn't shared her specific reasons for wanting a D. I know some of the issues which I believe are job related and feeling like I won't change. I can understand that but I don't agree. I have changed, for me. Sure, I hope that one day this makes a difference to my W. If I didn't make these changes then I definitely wouldn't have a chance of any hope of reconciliation.

I will check out the "Why Should I Be The One To Change" section. When I said that I don't see my W changing I am concerned because she will be stuck for the rest of her life unless she improves herself too. She continues the same behavior that contributed to where we are now...poor communication, buries head in the sand with problems, expects me to take care of everything, becomes confrontational when I disagree with her. I agree with my W that we are in different places. In some ways she is in a better place and in some ways I am in a better place. I really believe that her IC is not doing a good job with her. If she has been in IC for the past 4 months then I am surprised by her lack of improvement. By that I don't mean that she changes her mind about D but instead that she still seems very immature and continues to display the same insecurities. I am concerned that no matter how much I changed or how long I show her consistent change, that we will have no chance of reconciliation unless she improves her issues. She is so defensive.

I'll continue to keep up my changes and improve in other areas. Still have some work left to do but I'm working on it. Thanks again Sandi for keeping me focused.

Maynard, yes, calming down before making any decision or having any conversation with W is key. Even though W still wants D, I think that fact that she has been friendlier is a positive thing that hopefully I can build on. I need to keep this small step of momentum going. I really need to continue to remain calm with her so I avoid any backslide. Time is on my side. Where can I find Allen's sitch? I'd be interested in reading his sitch too. I know it will take my W a long time to come around if she ever does. I'm willing to hang in there. Thank you!