Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

It is fine to vent. Better to do it here than to your W and have a backslide. If it's okay, I'll vent a bit myself.

I thought how ironic it was when you were asking why the LBS had to do all the changing, etc. Just as you see a stitch from the LBH's POV, I can see a stitch from the WAW's side. At times, I get really fed up at some of the absolutely horrible things people say about WAW's. I mean when they refer to us like we were murderers or rapists. I'm the first to say that some WAS are really, really bad.......but some of them were treated so badly for so many years and was looking for an escape. Perhaps they make some very poor decisions, but I am startled at the pure hatefulness & spite that some people can show here on this board. (Not you. I'm just venting also.) I mean, they don't even know the person or the full story and start in with the bitter-filled posts. So, yeah.....that is kind of hard for me to hear at times. But, I have to remind myself that that poster was hurt by a WAS and is still bitter. It sure shows. Don't let that happen to you, okay?

So, it depends on which side of the fence one stands. BTW, there is a forum here on the board about "Why Should I Be the One to Change?"

The WAW "does" have much to change, but she is not trying to improve herself in the sense you are working to improve yourself. She has a different goal than you do.....and that makes a huge difference. If she reconcilles with you, then she may make changes, but it will probably be in slow baby-steps. She would be working more at trying to "return" than changing.

Even though we tell you to improve yourself for "you", you still have reconciling as your objective. That's just normal. But, when you do not see her respond (the way you think she should) to your changes, you become disappointed and think you might as well give up. But if you were changing your habits or behavior just to please her or get her back..... then you would change back into your old ways as soon as she returned. Right now you don't think you would. If only she would come back you would do anything she wanted. But, it would not last......b/c it would have been a ploy to draw her back into the M and not a life-changing behavior. That is why you need to do these things so you will be happy about yourself......not just for her.

I felt you were placing too much on the fact she went to see you alone and b/c she was nice. Why do men do that? I think that was behind you getting so angry at the papers coming this week is b/c you felt you were painting the house.....not to "sell" but for the two of you to move back into it. Your hopes were rising and then wham......the papers arrived and you want to blame her for allowing the L to mail them just as you were painting and she was being nice.