There ya go...one less thing to worry about! You can stay in the house. Remember, this is a roller coaster and some days will be peaceful and others will be crazy! You can handle this DU...
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
DU, you're sounding pretty down. Are you OK? Can you just try to deal with what's happening right now? - not the future. Is there someone who loves you who can come over and spend some time with you? Your H is treating to badly, but that doesnt' mean that there's something wrong with you. It's so hard not to internalize this stuff when it comes from someone we love. hugs.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I accepted an offer for dinner at a neighbor. I have been in the big house all by myself. My Mother is emotionally distance and says that I need to give up because it is over. So I don't speak much with her.
I am down because I have never heard hom that mad and I worry about what he would do. I am off to dinner. Ohh,, maybe I should not have taken the pill before going out because now I a loopy.:) Be back later.
Thank you all.
Rochelle
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I don't believe I have posted to you before, but I wanted to comment on this.
Quote:
My Mother is emotionally distance and says that I need to give up because it is over. So I don't speak much with her.
I don't know your Mom, but I do know that those close to us have a hard time watching us hurt. Their insistance that we "give up and move on" is b/c they don't know how to help and they want to "fix" things so we are happy again.
If you had a good and or close relationship with her before, perhaps it's an opportunity to practice boundary setting ie: "Mom, I understand what you're saying, but I need to do this my way. How about we just not talk about it?"
I know that if my Mom were still alive, I would have to have that convo with her and that as much as she might not like it, she would respect it.
Sounds like your lawyer was able to give you some peace with regards to the house. Take all you can get.
DU, He cannot force you out of the house....he walked out and abandoned you and the home. You've been the one taking care of the upkeep for quite a while. Listen to your lawyer. Your h isn't happy that he can't get you to jump when he says to do so. So, what does he do? He makes threats, a lot of nasty threats. Do not take any more of his calls. Do not call him.
Please try to get out of the house and do some things for yourself. Your h is like a big bully right now and he needs time to fizzle out.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all for caring about me. I know I come off as needy, but I have always been independent even after I meet and dated my H. Well, I feel totally deplenished, so I am going to take my exit .. My family doesn't understand and hid all of the abuse for years, my H can't deal with that knowledge nor his own issues. So I think it is best that I am not around because I cannot mentally handle things around me now.
Take Care
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU, I do not know what transpired last night to generate your posting, but you are always welcome here. You need a safe place to go to talk and bounce things off of.
No, you do not need to be around you h in his present condition and I don't blame you one bit for not taking his calls. The things that they say and do are unbelieveable and hurt to the very core. You are going to need someone in your corner as you travel this road....we are here for you.
If you opt not to return, I wish you well and I'm sending thoughts and prayers your way. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have kept so much bottled up for so long (even a miscarriage that I never told anyone about). My husband expected something from me that I am not even sure he knew what it was nor did I. We married for love and happiness because we utterly enjoyed spending time with each other and supported each other in everything we did.
How can someone who says they love you and care for you say that you are also the reason for their unhappiness and that it is in the best interest of both of us to separate and divorce. This is H’s belief. I don’t know for sure why he feels so much unhappiness. Says he beginning not to feel good when he was around me…I annoy him, ask too many questions, etc.
There was a time when we both felt good being around each other and truly enjoyed each others company. I feel that H’s need for a divorce is the easy way out, doesn’t involve commitment, love, support, or care. It was self and controlling. I am sorry for everything you believed you have suffered in this relationship, but I hope that at some point, you will note the equally great times we had as a couple before and after we married.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU - Please understand that the man you're dealing with now is not the man you married. Detach from this man and his MLC spew. It will do you no good at this time to try and reason with him. It will also do you no good to remind him of the good times in your M. Doing so will only add fuel to his fire and give him justification (in his fogged brain) for doing what he's doing as he can only think of the negatives, real or rewritten. His pain is intense, but it is not your fault and by the same token you can do nothing to fix him.
Listen to Snodderly's advice, she has studied MLC extensively and knows her stuff. You also have other wise DBer's posting to you. Stay dark and protect yourself from your H's abuse. Hopefully when he sees that it is not having the affect on you that he's trying to get, he'll stop. Otherwise, keep avoiding him.
Take this time and focus on you. Step back and save yourself, let God do His work on your H.
