Update - positive. Asked last night if H wanted to watch a show after I got home from rehearsal. Something we used to do, something we started doing again around xmas.
I acted as if we are back together. So I came in bubbly and happy from rehearsal. We watched a silly reality show and laughed. It was very positive. Perhaps having the papers signed is going to take the pressure off.
I came home just with love in my heart for H. Remembering the reasons I originally fell in love with him. I decided I was going to see him this way instead of a threat. It was a nice evening.
That's great H4L. Do you think that leaving the house helps you with PMA and being able to come to the sitch fresh?
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Hopefully, yes. I do think having a project of my own that I love and can fill me up from the inside is quite helpful. However, if I was still coming back to Mr. Angry, it would make things awful still.
The good news was that H was open to my loving attitude. I just don't know how much of this attitude is from buying anew airplane. I don't trust it. But I"m riding the wave....
Continued to have a lovely friday family dinner (our ritual). H seemed genuinely pleased that I had all the food cooked and the table set ahead of time and he wasn't in as much of a rush to speed off as he usually is. Felt very relaxed and I got compliments on my cooking the last two nights!
Compare this to a few months ago, when he would not only refuse to eat anything I cooked, but would criticize it. He would rush in, rush out, and yell in between.
I just can't believe the airplane. Then again I can't believe that I my H has time/energy/money to start a new sport (freediving).
Anyway, it sounds like you are seeing progress
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Well in a good state of mind, I look at this way = he separated from me and started a relationship with his airplane. I think it's to counteract the loss of not living at home, not living in the house he's half paying for, not being with his son, etc. It gives him something of his very own. I can't help it, I love him and I understand him whether I like it or not.
On a bad day, I fear it's one more thing to distract him me, himself, and our R.
Somewhere in the middle, I accept that i have no control over what he does now and so I just let it go. He got a very good deal on an old plane and can resell it to get his money back someday so it's sort of an investment = like buying a house rather than renting.
And eternally hopeful that i am, I am grateful he's not going out with an OW or buying another house instead.
Thinking about what detachment is, I came across this writing on what attachment is, and why it brings unhappiness:
"What is an attachment? An emotional state of clinging caused by the belief that without some particular thing or some person you cannot be happy. ...Now the tragedy of an attachment is that if its object is not attained it causes unhappiness. But if it is attained, it does not cause happiness - it merely causes a flash of pleasure followed by weariness; and it is always followed, of course, by the anxiety that you may well lose the object of your attachment....
You may avoid the situation or the person; or you may try to change them; or you may insist on your rights or the rights of others being respected; you may even resort to the use of force. But only after you have got rid of your emotional upsets, for then your action will spring from peace and love..."
Really does make you think H4L how many of us had attachments rather than M. Certainly know some of my attaching wore H out and he is much happier without his W being a Klingon lol
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Klingon! lol. Yes, LR, you are my idol in that one. I think of you often when I think how to be independent! You really nailed that one while your H was MIA!
I like your plane PMA. I think you're correct about all of it, and I think if it was not that, it would be something else. And who knows what? There's a few similar (yet not as expensive) work-related enthusiasms my H has going now. I think they are the ONLY battery charge as far as I can see.
