Hi, starting a new thread, as my husband's OW is on the other side of the world. Their affair began o/seas where they spent two months together, now they are separated because my H has come back to fess up to me and to meet his baby dur in 2.5 months(see my original post "6 months pregnant and husband in PA"). He did talk of bringing her to live with him, but I think it is fantasy talk. Meanwhile, I am interested in what you think... Is their physical separation which could last many months to come, more likely to fizzle out their PA, or keep my H in fantasy land for longer, since the romance of separated lovers can be failry enticing? Thanks for thoughts...
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
I'm wondering my self. My WH is separated by 1000 miles from OW. I'm thinking that it could go either way. If it's a along distance relationship it may keep the "romantic love" going longer, however if there is no possibility of them being together eventually it'll die, it has to...if it has no future of being together.
And if they do manage to be together they will have to live in reality not fantasy and it may die as well. We can't control what they do but we can control what we do. Keep DB and stay optimistic.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
If it's a along distance relationship it may keep the "romantic love" going longer, however if there is no possibility of them being together eventually it'll die, it has to...if it has no future of being together.
My situation is a bit different in that my H is in an unrequited infatuation with a woman who lives overseas. He was first obsessed with her 13 years ago - before we met. He said he finally got past it when she got in a relationship.
Well, he saw her again last summer, and she was out of that relationship and off he went again.
I tend to think that any sort of barrier keeps the fantasy going. I think that getting in to a real life, day to day relationship is more likely to pop the fantasy bubble.
Well, he saw her again last summer, and she was out of that relationship and off he went again.
When you say "off he went again", did your husband leave you for this woman? If so what is their plan?
My WH visits the OW. Last time he was with her for two weeks. But I don't see them living together any time soon, he has a business and D16 here and OW has her small children there, living with her husband. So I'm hoping that the logistics of the situation will eventually break it up. At least I'm hoping.
Yeah, sometimes I think that it would be better if they actually lived together, the guilt of breaking up two families, finances, juggling kids...that would give them dose of reality much quicker.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, Dudess... I think things may have fizzeled between my WH and his OW. Probably because the affair was exposed. And because with our first child on the way, he needs to get a job and start focussing on life here. Unless their affair turns 'sour' (for eg. shameful in the eyes of common friends or family) I think the unrequitedness could be a real drag on their letting go...
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Well, he saw her again last summer, and she was out of that relationship and off he went again.
When you say "off he went again", did your husband leave you for this woman? If so what is their plan?
He was in her country on business. I was planning to join him there for a couple of weeks last summer. He began treating me very rudely and I had decided not to go, but didn't know how to reach him. He emailed me a mere 36 hours before I was supposed to leave and told me not to come. He doesn't know that I know about him seeing her again.
Near as I can tell, things went the way they did before. She's not interested in more than 'friends'. He has been gone more than 7 months now, (5 more than initially planned), and will be returning home in 2 weeks. I will be gone. I am moving out. I have not told him yet.
Originally Posted By: Mila
My WH visits the OW. Last time he was with her for two weeks. But I don't see them living together any time soon, he has a business and D16 here and OW has her small children there, living with her husband. So I'm hoping that the logistics of the situation will eventually break it up. At least I'm hoping.
Yeah, sometimes I think that it would be better if they actually lived together, the guilt of breaking up two families, finances, juggling kids...that would give them dose of reality much quicker.
Maybe this is on your thread, but what is her husband inclined to do?
I doubt that guilt plays much of a role in it. They managed to do what they are already doing without guilt, or at least without changing their behavior in response to it. Have you considered trying the gucci method?
Mila, Dudess... I think things may have fizzeled between my WH and his OW. Probably because the affair was exposed. And because with our first child on the way, he needs to get a job and start focussing on life here. Unless their affair turns 'sour' (for eg. shameful in the eyes of common friends or family) I think the unrequitedness could be a real drag on their letting go...
I hope for everyone's sake, that the affair has fizzled. Exposure does seem to help in many cases.
Evidently, the unrequited "love" can go on indefinitely because it is never tested against reality. I could have told my H last fall that I was moving out and he would have to come back to take care of the house and dog. I didn't tell him, primarily because it was best for me, but I also wanted to give him time to let the thing play out. I think it turned out the same way it always did. But hey, maybe he just needs to hang in there a couple more decades . . .
Her husband is fighting with everything he can, using members of their large family to talk to her, financial pressure, threatening my WH etc. He has a very different strategy (negotiator by profession) then I do, doesn't go by DB principals. His approach is way to aggressive for my taste, It may just push her away.
As to for their guilt; it's there - I see it, but you are right it doesn't change anything in their behavior.
I'm sorry about your sitch. Have you given up? You said that you are moving out...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
