Better Days

[Gardener]

Bill,

What I do know is that going through this process just seems to make things worse and worse. I can just hope there is healing afterward.

I went through mediation, too. Almost wish I hadn't despite the cheaper cost. Frankly, I found the process did make things worse and worse, unfortunately.

I'm rambling.

Ramble on. That's what we're here for.

I have no idea what to do with myself this weekend. It's really strange not going home to a family.

Really strange. I've found that part doesn't change much. Glad the tension's gone and I am discovering - and enjoying - some of the advantages of living alone where I can.

I need more friends that are available to do things. Seemed like I never had to think about this when I was in my 20s and single.

Because all our friends were "out there", too. Now, they're settled, they're home, they're nesting. Like you and I were just a few short months ago. When Marriage, Family and Home become the center of your universe and it's pulled out from under your feet, it's debilitating.

How are you guys going about building a life?

Frankly, I'm doing more 180s that GAL. 180s like talk and chat with everyone I come into contact with, and doing anything that feels odd or fearful or not me. I've had to postpone any real GAL due to dismal financial sitch X walking out and subsequent D left me with. But, hewy, since D,for the first time in 16 months she's giving me money towards the house expenses. Thanks to the formula my state uses, she now gives me a whopping $240/month or about 1/7 of what she used to contribute. When that turns around, I will do more.

For now, I look for no-money fun: museums, parks, school plays. Joined a Hiking Club On Meet-Up - check out Meet-Up, Bill. And I just joined a Swing Dance weekly Meet-Up. Joined a gym instead of using my equipment downstairs. Get out of the house and chat with people at the gym. I seek out family and friends now more than I used to, another 180, almost pushy: "What are you doing this afternoon/evening/tonight? Nothing? Good. I'm coming over/meet me at, etc."

Met a woman at Starbucks last week. Chatted and fifteen minutes later we were out having breakfast, talking for 90 minutes. It went nowhere, far too different backgrounds and interests, but hey, I manned up with my nads out and had a date in fifteen minutes. 180-fantasy land, for sure. Well, Bill, now I'm rambling. Go out. Just go out. Get out of the house. Do things. Anything. Learn to enjoy doing things alone. You won't be alone for long.