R2: So sorry to hear about your situation. What a nightmare. I sincerely wish you strength, courage, and compassion (both for yourself and your husband; he sounds like a real mess).
I am well past my D now. It's oh so hard, and you must take it one day at a time. Life unfolds in ways we cannot see, and I believe we must give up trying to control things we cannot control. That includes our spouses. If they want to leave us, they will, and sadly there is not much we can do to change that. As others on these boards say, the one thing we can control is ourselves, if we are willing to take a good hard look at ourselves and learn from this situation. What is it you want to learn? You may not be able to answer that yet, but keep that question in your mind.
When I was in your shoes, the key was to GAL. That was a one day at a time affair. I found myself focusing on what I could do that day. Some days were miserable, but over time I learned things about myself and life that I never imagined I would. I discovered new interests and parts of myself I did not knew existed. That felt good. This is your journey, and it will be unique in many ways. But learn from those here too, for there are similarities.
M Go Blue offered a powerful reminder to all of us when he encouraged us to remember that we are more than husbands and wives. Perhaps one of your growth opportunities on this painful road will be to figure out who you are separate from being a wife. For me, that was a difficult but rewarding journey.
