Never hurts to get a good basic idea of where he and you stand at this point in time. The times I listed are NO good, but did not know that then when I wrote them.
This may clear some questions you have about where he is; though, if he's still living with OW, he is STILL in replay, and will be there UNTIL he gets rid of her, goes into OW Withdrawal, then goes on into Depression then Withdrawal stages. This does NOT mean the stages have to be run in a certain order, they can be mixed up; except for the very last stage(Acceptance); and I know it's run in order of the stages listed..but the OW is main stage in Replay; as long as she is in the picture, the MLC'er is STILL in that stage. What I'm seeing here is 'baby steps' a trying to come forward, then it looks like he's run backward.
The "spewing" comes from their confusion and refusal to look within, preferring to try and blame outside sources, namely, the spouse, for their pain and misery.
What exactly does this "spewing" consist of at this point? Is he attempting to push you to do something that is against your better judgement? Has it come on because he's asked you to do something and you've refused? Or did it come out of nowhere, like my husband's did? Each person, and "triggers" are different; and sometimes, there doesn't NEED to be anything that sets them off..we are there, they get set off at what we see as nothing; but to them it's everything. None of it ever makes sense.
The reason I'm asking is because of a memory I had came back. When my husband was trying to get away from his OW; he started spewing away..some of it was guilt, I believe, and I made it worse when I was pushing for truth. Most of it didn't make any sense, but I listened and argued anyway(for what good that did). In spite of all instructions to leave him alone, I did not..and got a whole load of crap for my trouble.
NO, it would NOT be your fault..the spewing is necessary for them to get some of this off themselves; and they will spew at the most available target, the Left Behind Spouse.
One good thing, though, as long as he's "spewing" if you're willing to "sort the garbage" you'll get a fair idea of where you stand with him, and where he stands with you...just stay detached from the various lies that are told.
Hang tough it seems to come in spurts and jumps at various times; don't take it personally.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
The times I listed are NO good, but did not know that then when I wrote them.
