Regarding her father and others telling her to leave.
It depends on your relationship with them.
Are they telling her to leave because :
a. They don't like you b. They just see how upset and sad she is and are offering her a quick and dirty solution
Is it a or b or both?
If its a, you have a big mountain to climb
If they DO like you, but they just are sympathizing with her..
YOU need to start taking them each out for dinner one on one and talking to them... help them understand how commited you are, and ask them for help in supporting you in helping you BOTH attend a family therapist...
do NOT press your wife for a therapist right now... she needs YOU to see a family therapist, she needs to see YOU change, grow, and become the man she needs you to be...
I am assuming of course through all of this advice that she is NOT in contact with this creep anymore... if there IS contact, you need to put that to a stop regularly while you are meeting with her family members. They need to KNOW she's been hanging around this obnoxious alcoholic.. get a friend to go with you to the dinner and back you up if you think they won't believe you.
YOU need to start showing MATURE, CALM, ADULT behaviour at all times, do NOT joke, do NOT charm, do NOT act childish in ANY WAY... your wife has painted you out to be an immature controlling monster...
That's fine...
YOU need to expose your MOST MATURE SELF to everyone she has spoken with...do NOT argue with them about what she said... just ACT as MATURE and THOUGHTFUL as you can... they WILL be watching you.. they WILL see yoru wife's been lying if YOU keep being an adult...
and I am nOT telling you to ACT like an adult, i am telling you to BE an adult... offer to help her family in any way... if someone needs a ride or someone's moving, offer two hands and your back for the day, etc..
BECOME a REAL MAN and THEY will GRADUALLY support you.
YOU need to find a GOOD family thereapist and start going... buy some books on marriage building, leave them around the hosue to read.. and you WILL read them.. this is NOT an act... your wife will KNOW if you are faking it... you need to REALLY do this...
1. Buy the books and read them 2. Go to a family therapist - alone, but make sure she sees the biz card and your apponitment time written on it 3. Start taking her family out to dinner one on one gradually... reconnect with them... give them a REASON to believe in you again 4. Protect your wife from parasites like that creep at work
