I don't want to let it. Do I tell her I won't be the taxi for the kids? I don't want her or anyone to say I'm not helping with the children. I want to stand up for the right reasons. I will always be there for my kids with or without her. Could this be a test from her to see if I have changed in how much I'll put up with? Is it time to put my foot down? Everything seemed to be working, now not so sure.
personally, i would find a last minute babysitter and show up at the bar. irish car bomb anyone?
I have thought of that, believe me.
I did call a friend last night and he went to the bar and said it was her and about four other people, super included, but not just the two of them. Still, not what I want in our marriage. I never minded her going out ocasionally with her friends, I do the same. I have let it go on for soooo long now (over a year) that she is so entrenched and won't listen. Is it time for the I will not put up with this any longer talk? Still very scary at this point. I know, not very manly. I guess I just need talked into what I know I need to do.
I pulled the list out that that Sandi gave me. I reference it often, and am trying to figure out where I am in the scheme of things. Do I continue with what seemed to be working for a couple of weeks or do something else? I have not brought up any R talk, I don't pursue, don't follow her around, I listen much better than I have in a long, long time. Is this all to be expected? Sorry to keep beating a dead horse, I just really feel lost right now.
she is so entrenched and won't listen. Is it time for the I will not put up with this any longer talk?
she wont listen! In the coming weeks your actions towards become a more confidant, secure and independent man will show her the consequences of her actions greater then any 'talk' will have.
btw, you do realize that a divorced man does not hang out REPEATEDLY with a married woman unless there is something going on. he is not a priest.
Thanks, Steve I need reminded that actions speak louder than words.
Here's something I'm sure you have never heard before-Man does this suck!!!
Ditto on your second point, just no hard PA evidence. Can't really call her on EA as she will of course say, again, "we're just friends." The time will come.
Reading some other threads and responsed by Gucci, and Rob and Puppy, etc. I have to let go. I have to let go. I didn't wake up until she told me maybe I should leave for a while. I wasn't seeing anyone else, though. But, I know I wasn't treating her the way she needed. Nothing big, just small things we all take for granted. I didn't see until she let go. I have to let go. So hard! I have to let go I have to let go
IDU, one day at a time. I feel like I should be able to jump ahead to some zen place with all of this...but I'm just not there. Try to make TODAY be the best day that it can be, under the circumstances.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
IDU, one day at a time. I feel like I should be able to jump ahead to some zen place with all of this...but I'm just not there. Try to make TODAY be the best day that it can be, under the circumstances.
Thanks! Btw, one of the twins will be serving at church for the first time this weekend and is very excited! I wish his Mom would take off work to come see. Oh, well, it's just something else that I have been doing by myself for a couple of years.
Twins had b'ball game Sat. W asked if I was coming or not. I said of course, why wouldn't I. She said I had been going out a lot lately so she figured I may have plans. (GAL working?) Boys played two games and did well. W and I didn't talk much, she was kind of distant. We got home and she asked if she should get a sitter for tonight. I asked why what was going on. She said she was going to help at school for a trivia noght fund raiser. I told her sure get one and I would come up and help also. She said she didn't volunteer me because she didn't know what I had planned. I said fine, don't get a sitter I will stay home with the kids. I then called some friends and invited them over and for them to bring their kids also and we would have a bonfire and roast hot dogs and marshmellows and then play cards or something and the kids could play together. People started showing up right as W was leaving, @6:00 pm and she asked what was going on, and I told her. Of course she said why didn't I tell her, the house was a mess, she didn't have anything to make to eat, on and on. I said I would handle it, no big deal, go have fun, me and the kids would have a good time. We did have fun. I figured she would get home late, but she showed up @10:30, earlier than most nights when she goes to "have a beer" after her meetings of ball games. She was her regular old self with everyone there and I acted the same and had a good time. BTW, all there knew at least a little of what was going on with us and were all told not to say anything to W about it, and none did. All left close to midnight and we covered the kids up who had fallen asleep in the living room and we went to bed. She slept in bed that night, I guess because all the couches were taken! Sun. I took the kids to religion class and then church where son was a server for the first time. He was a little nervous but did great. I took some pictures and told him how proud I was. We went to my parents for lunch and to help my Dad with a few projects at their house. Sent W a txt telling her where we were and she txt back, "OK". Again, that is a little something because she usually doesn't txt any response back. When we got home, she was napping so we all went outside to enjoy the warm weather. She woke up and we all had supper. She was OK, not overly friendly but not pissy either. Later, I gave kids showers and got them ready for bed. She was paying bills and doing the banking and her cell phone rang. I know the one call at least wasn't from OM, then home phone rang and she was on it for a while and getting txts on cell. She then went outside and talked for a least an hour. In the mean time, I put kids in bed and got their stuff ready for school. Then I watched TV for a while and fell asleep in recliner. I woke up and she was in shower. I put vehicles in garage and a few other things and she came out and turned TV on. I stuck my head in living room and told her goodnight, I was going to bed. She said goodnight and off I went. She did come to bed a while later.
So-GAL having a small party going out with friends more often
180's-not getting upset when she doesn't include me in her plans acting as if being lovingly distant Helping if she asks but not seeking her out not asking when she will be home and what she is doing
Is it working? I don't know, I hope but I know I had a good time and the kids did too.
I know I have to and am doing this for me, but I sure hope in time, she will join me and be a family again.
Am I doing OK or missing anything? Please let me know, thanks.
