Just to let you know..... I'm still alive.

[Between Tears]

Just in case your wondering, I'm still working my way out of this rut of mine, trying to make some sense of what is going on, and looking forward to a day when I no longer have to worry about going to court, ever again.

Another year has gone by, it will be 8 years now when Dick took off and became this man he still is today. It's nearly 6 years post divorce, 7 1/2 since the original paperwork was filed. For all I know he's always been this way, and it had been me with my rose colored glass and deep, self denial that lead me to believe he was once a person I could share my life with.

The last time I was here, I believe I had just lost my job because I wasn't keeping up The last time I was here, I believe I had just lost my job because I wasn't keeping up with work. Oh, yes, and that was because the rhuematoid arthritis was kicking my butt, my ankle became so swollen, that when I finally went to the doctor, she found I had a staph infection in the ankle. It took six weeks for that to clear up, six weeks out of work, two months of not being able to pay my bills.

My daughter had made plans to come in for a visit for Christmas. Dick and Jane were going to Cabo for Christmas and were leaving D to spend the time by herself... so she decided she was coming here instead of spending the time alone.

Well, Jane couldn't get her passport, so Dick decided to join D here in KS, but before he arrived, he made sure D couldn't spend her time with me. Yes, back in court, just days before Christmas only to hear he was given Christmas day and I the day after for a miserable 4 hours. I haven't seen my daughter all summer, except for the one day she came back in July, for a court hearing, and that day I saw her for almost 2 hours. I didn't get to see her because Dick took everyone for breakfast, and no, he didn't stay local, he took them to Wichita for breakfast and shopping during the time I was to have my visit.

Now, D was unaware of the visiting hours, for she told the Judge she wanted to stay with me. She left with her brother, right after speaking to the Judge. The Judge didn't even listen to anything my attorneys said, and only what Dick's attorney said. Typical, for this is the way it's been for years, no matter who I've had as an attorney.

My Son now lives in an apartment in a nearby town. He's 18, but still in High School. Dick told him if he would stay in an apartment, he (dick) will send him $600/month in order for him to do so. What 18 year old boy doesn't want his own place, no, I can't blame him (s) for he decided to do. S has to work 35 hours a week to make the rest of the money he needs in order to live in this apartment, mainly because his girlfriend moved in after Dick left for California. She's 17, had a job, but isn't much of a worker, so she finds reasons not to go to work, and lately she's been saying she's been fainting, and hasn't been to work for a month. This leaves my son terribly stressed not only supporting himself but her too.

Dick did give S a car, however, he (dick) holds the title (California tag) while S drives the car here. Dick told S to get insurance on the vehicle, and it's 200/month, however, S can't insure the car until it's titled and tagged in KS, which he can't do without the title. Yup, one of Dick's infamous ways driving a soul crazy by an impossible situation. Dick told S is he gets stopped or ticketed, the car goes back to California.

Eventually the stress will consume S. I see it growing everyday. S doesn't sleep at night, is exhausted from work and school, all the driving, and worry about staying afloat and not get stopped for an illegal tag and no insurance. My poor boy is loosing weight, not eating because all too often he's too tired to care.

As for me, I did get another job, however, it took a month to see the first paycheck. It's been a slow process, but I've caught up on my bills and rent, and am sitting with my old computer which I could finally afford to get fixed. Dick now collects childsupport from my paycheck, even though I've been sending money to both kids all along. He nabbed my refunds from the state and feds, even though one I've paid the support, but two, even if I hadn't of paid, I wouldn't have owed him as much as he stole. I've got another court date in two weeks.... he's going for more support.

I'm glad it's spring... it's been a long winter, a cold one too. I hope there will be more work out there with the warmer weather coming in. I need to get another job in order to cover my bills and living expenses, for you know Dick will get what he wants, as I'm sure my support will triple or better as this next date.

Well, that's about all... Until D turns 18 which is next January, I don't have a chance in he!! of having my rights back.