I am going to read your posts. It is so easy being young to just say f-ck it. Especially when everyone around is mirroring that exact sentiment. I am not sure if people see dealing with this b-llsh-t as a strength or weakness..I am sometimes uncertain of it myself.
I just met my H at the bank to get my name on the savings account. He was being very charming..made references to the future when discussing some cd's we had..that we need to move them to a more long term/higher return cd. I said that I wanted to wait on that. He looked at me with loving eyes...not that blank stare that I have been so used to seeing lately. He had to deposit a check but walked me out..we talked a few minutes..smiles etc..and then he gave me a glimpse of what I don't like about him.
He asked me why I say hurtful things to him..for example- my email that I sent him today. He asked me if the only point of my email was to hurt him. I told him that my email was not an attempt to hurt him. He said when I say things like 'everyone keeps asking me that same question...and I am running out of answers.' (why I keep trying to help him). He doesn't focus on the fact that I care deeply for him and that I continue this hellish journey because of my love for him. He just sees the negatives...and still doesn't acknowledge the fact that he is HURTING me. It is just so bizarre. He will take anything and perceive it as an attack on him. I have to word things more carefully? He had that blankness in his face for a few minutes again.
I would have to say I am spiritual but not religious as well. My husband is not spiritual or religious. I feel like that is something that is lacking inside of him. He appears soul-less to me at times.
I agree about the pups..have two myself. It is funny..I just picked up my older dog from the vet after having some dental work done. My puppy- who typically annoys the cr*p out of him..was so calm and empathetic when I brought him in. She just sniffed and snuggled with him...she would typically attack him and want to play. This is so out of character. Even dogs feel empathy!!!!!!
He does need to be completely ready to come home..I agree. I also need to be ready to let him in. It will be tough with her still in his office. With these addictive relationships- you are supposed to eliminate all contact with the OW. He cannot do that. Pray that she leaves!!!
I am not even sure that I should see him during this time. Puppy suggests going as dark as possible. Should we need see a MC during this time?
