Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

Newmama, I feel a sh*t for saying what I did. I feel like I'm bursting your bubble but I feel I need to say it for your sake. Remember it was me, you, Cutter (as he was then) and DbD all in here on our ownsome posting on each others threads. We've come through this with you from the start and I will only speak for myself here but I really do care about what is going on between you and WH to the extent (believe it or not) I actually had a rotten night's sleep thinking about your sitch (not looking for sympathy - just a fact!). That makes it all the more difficult to say it.

P, I was not offended! I know you are a tough love friend! I really need to hear all angles and absorb them, even if I don't agree! It brought tears to my eyes to read you couldn't sleep because you were thinking of my sitch! Don't worry- I am tough. Seriously, I won't go into it, but I have had plenty of bumps in my life so I am built to be resilient! (and there are others who had it waaaaay worse so I don't feel sorry for myself- EVER. well okay maybe once in a blue moon lol)

However, it does need to be said, out of caring and not out of vindictiveness. And to quash any question of something posted yesterday, my heart is not closed or bitter.

I hope I didn't say anything like your heart is closed or bitter! I see you as a very loving, caring, generous person! Look at the kind of father you are as well as friend! (and Lady P's boyfriend!)

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And one more thing-I think I saw somewhere that he won't be able to "do the deed" (or the w----) for 3 weeks? So it will be interesting to see what happens when they don't share that together...and if abstinence clears his head!

If WH has had it removed, he won't be doing much of anything (driving, walking, sitting or the other) for quite some time - three weeks I would say is a little optimistic!

He only had the lump removed! He is able to drive I guess. He will be visiting S tomorrow but he can't lift more than 15 pounds so I can't leave him alone with him.

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Last, my goal is first to bust the divorce but I know that WH is still having an A. I can't do anything more to end the A.

I actually disagree with that last statement. I think you can stop visitation with S at your home, go dim, dark or pitch black (you choose). Dating? You've mentioned that in the past. There are lots of other things you can try to force him to make a decision either way - remember WAS's are cowards; they generally need to be pushed to make a decision.

I agree that he is a coward. But like I have said from the start and believe every day, when I accept that divorce is okay with me, then I will go dark.

I have thought about the visitation at my house. Poor S would have to be picked up 5:30, driven somewhere, fed, bathed, then driven home and wouldn't be able to go to bed until 8:30. Only every other day. It is better for S if WH comes here and I leave. Which I have done a better job of! Someone suggested getting a babysitter to be present for WH when he arrives but I would still see him when I came back home.

BUt I don't think I can date. My "body" doesn't like that idea! Well I'm sure it would but I'm saying is dating for me doesn't feel right. I am fine with flirting though!wink wink, hubba hubba, hug hug ! (lol)

Have you measured how far DBing has taken you along the road to busting the D or the A?

DBing has helped to stall the D at the minimum. I also have increased my hobbies, gained control over my emotions, and am starting to feel good about myself again.

Stopping the A is NOT something I can do. There are no guarantees. It needs to be his call. I agree that I could "close the bakery." Well, all that is left is me around the house on his day off when he visits. I could tell him that he can take S with him on those days. I'll think about it...

You're absolutely right. Only you know. You're the one on the ground. But make sure you do it before you get bitter or hatred creeps in. These are bad emotions to have for us all.

I will never hate WH. I am weird.

I hope you get to the point where you will stop being curious about what he's thinking altogether. That's when you will truly detach.

Yeah. if we divorce I will! I cannot detach unless I went dark or we divorced.

And if I had the money, I'd fly out, believe me. You are a good, strong, committed and loyal person and somebody I would want to be in my circle of friends. I hope YOU realise that though.

THANK YOU for thinking highly of me! I respect you so much, P! I hope there is a DB convention one day so we can all meet!