However, if your husband asks you "what's wrong".. I would NOT say "nothing".. CLEARLY you have told him our issue
You may do better with
"You know what's wrong... unless you are prepared to do something about her, I am not talking about marriage with you"
I may have to work on it, but I really don't reccomend abandoned spouses tell their WS they are fine, or OK, or that nothing's wrong...
I think it is VERY imoprtant that the WS ALWAYS be constantly remindd that they are HURTING their spouse to keep the guilt in the air and on their mind...
YOu played it well though, you have the idea... "loving detachment" is an excellent way to describe it... much like how you handle an unruly child... loving detachment
Its not even what you are DOING its what you are NOT doing, you are NOT attacking him, you are NOT arguing with him...
I told someone this a long time ago, but I think there's a lot of weight to it...
"You don't have to be a great lover to keep a marriage alive, you just need to AVOID making the mistakes of the the lousy ones"
Now, this sounds a bit lazy I know... But the point is, you don't need to be perfect all the time.. what is MORE important is to avoid HURTING your spouse..
You do NOT need to be a marital olympian on a daily basis, just don't do anything hurtful and you will be loved in return.
I think this is what YOU are diong righ tnow, you are NOT doing anything harmful...
You are NOT enabling the affair anymore, that's a HUGE plus as well, but you are NOT attacking him, you are NOT arguing with him, he has NO ammunition to use to justify giong to the OW, you are leaving him with nothing so he can't act on it.. and it is confusing the heck out o fhim...
He is NOT expecting this... so you have him off guard.. keep him there... its a good place for him to be
