Okay Jack I will not listen to the convo's. What about responding to her text - should I? Or should I not even bother?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I would think that you would say do not respond and continue to work on myself.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Is she cordial towards you only when she wants something?
I notice that mine got into a habit of always saying "thank you" at the end of our conversations which was something she did not do before the bomb. I suspect it was something she was told to do from a counselor (along with writing me some letters of regret). At first, the tone seemed forced, but now it is something she does all the time as habit when we speak.
The hardest part for you Eric (and Bradley) has to be the Dr Jeckel and Mrs Hyde roller coaster. You can make a good attempt at detaching from the lack of love and the betrayal from your wives. But when you get some hopes with Dr Jeckel being nice and then to all of a sudden be faced with the rath of Mrs Hyde, that is a tough one to let the water roll off your back because it is so unexpected.
As for conversations with her women friends, that is something I am glad I never had to hear as it was always in Thai.
Is she cordial towards you only when she wants something?
She does say thank you when I do something for her. But outside of thank you and a very formal "hello Eric" - I do not get much in terms of conversation, which IMO is not a good thing. When I read the DR book I noticed that a S that argues is a good thing. My W stopped complaining about anything a while ago.
Quote:
You can make a good attempt at detaching from the lack of love and the betrayal from your wives. But when you get some hopes with Dr Jeckel being nice and then to all of a sudden be faced with the rath of Mrs Hyde, that is a tough one to let the water roll off your back because it is so unexpected.
My W is not really a Jeckel and Hyde - As I have said in the past she has not wavered once. Not once.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Oh yeah, when they stop arguing is when they are busy plotting their escape. I am curious about long term marriage and what Michele mentions - that couples still argue over the same thing that they did when they first started. I would think that couples learn to adapt to one another in a good long term R.
I think your W is wavering. Otherwise she would have filed for a D by now.
We'll interesting morning with the W - her new phone was builging from her pant pocket. Boy it is fustrating but I am working on detaching. I mentioned to her that I may need to travel for work and wondered if she could take a day or two off from work to watch my D - her response "let's put her in day care". I was actually amazed because 1) none of our kids have gone to day care and 2) why the heck would we sign her up for 2 days. Argg... W wants me to move money from the kids acct to cover some of this months bills. I told her that why doesn't she take some of the money from her new savings account instead of taking it from the kids. I explained that I did not think we should continue to do this. She is so freaking selfish right now it is fustrating. I told her that I understand that she is saving and that is her money but I also pointed out the inconsistency in how much money she is taking. I am not going to fund her A. Boy this is fustrating but I am detaching.. I am detaching... I suspect that we will soon reach a point that we do not communicate at all. I continue to work on myself and GAL (I spend the day at a friends house on Sunday).
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
When my wife was saving for her apartment...I didn't want her money. I actually hated that I couldn't pay the bills myself. Why? I didn't see it as enabling or funding her behavior...I saw it as giving her what she wanted. I wasn't going to move out...so she had to fund moving out herself. I also felt, at that time, if she moved out things would have been more peaceful at home...which was a goal of mine the whole time.
As Jack said to me back then...give her the space she wants and let her choke on it.
Lost - I am considering asking her to leave the house. I doubt she will but at a minimum I may need to start setting some boundaries. I cannot continue to sleep with someone who is having a relationship with someone else. I will not do anything rash but I am considering it.
In terms of separating the bills at this time I was advised against doing that. She does not want to move but I am too am not leaving so we may be at a stalemate.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
