The anger you're feeling is very normal. Like many intense emotions that come with his MLC, it will have to be dealt with, and is a part of your growing. You'll have to give yourself permission to feel and go through it, coming to terms and a measure of peace with it all. You can still love someone, yet STILL be enraged at what they've done..it is not the feeling that's wrong, it's the ACTIONS you undertake to deal that can make it wrong.
Separating the behavior from the person is very important in order to process what you feel in the way of anger, etc.
Somewhere in your heart, you will ALWAYS love him, but you will know in time you could NOT do anything for him to help him...and so, you let go of him, moving on to other and better things.
One of the possiblities in this is moving on to a place where, you still love him, but are no longer in love with him....and if he should come back after a long period of time, you might no longer want him. That is a scary thought at this point, but one everyone ends up dealing with at one time or another; even "I" had to deal with that possiblity if my marriage had NOT made it.
But, think about it, you would NOT want him back in the shape he's in now; it could kill what you felt, as the damage would get worse and worse, a human being can only take so much before they are more or less forced to turn away from it to protect themselves.
Each of us move forward at our own pace, no one can "tell" you how to get through, moving forward to the other side.
Some LBS get stuck in the grieving process, refusing to move forward, doing a great deal of damage to themselves, grieving continuously, eventually becoming bitter..that's another possibility of this.
Time heals all things, all wounds...and time works when nothing else does. There will be many things you will NEVER get an answer for; you come to a point when you can accept that, and continue to move on, anyway, toward your healing.
My suggestion and advice would be to stop looking at him entirely, and continue to look within yourself, walking your journey, one day at at a time, one step at a time.
Nothing you can do for him, except to let him go, and wish him the best because you do still love him...and love is a "letting go and letting God do His work."
If it is meant to be, your husband will come back, if it is not, you will need to(and I can't say have to because no one HAS to do anything)continue the process of working on YOU.
My heart is breaking for you, and I understand your feelings, believe me I do. There is SO much pain coming off your post, it is nearly overwhelming to me. I want to wrap you in my arms and make it all ok, but I don't have the capacity to do anything except to do this:
((((((((((This can't be the end)))))))))))))))
I'm praying, as I pray for all on this board, for strength, understanding, and for God to be with you and help you understand what you are able, but most of all, to help you to heal.
Much love, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
