My X divorced his parents numerous times during the course of our marriage. His mom is very bipolar and it went undiagnosed for years. He would cut off contact with them over what he perceived as their control issues. (Hello pot, this is the kettle!) They would call and I wouldn't dare answer the phone for fear of pissing him off. After we were separated (and he hadn't been in contact with them for over a year at that point) his mom tracked my mom down to see if we were okay. My mom told her that X was no longer living with us. My mom passed this on to me and my oldest daughter, who was about 19 at the time, ended up contacting her grandparents. From what I have been told X contacted them shortly thereafter to tell them his side of the story, because he didn't want to look like the bad guy. I'm not sure how he spun it with them. I hadn't spoken to them in quite some time and didn't have their contact info. I now have an address for them because D22 got it for her graduation announcement last year. I debated sending them a Christmas card last year. I didn't do it. I also debated sending them a letter. But we were never close, so I am not sure what to say. Primarily I want to apologize for not being strong enough to stand up against my X all the times he was shutting them out, so they could have developed more of a relationship with the kids. They have never even met the younger two kids, although apparently they do talk on the phone. I guess X still doesn't have much of a relationship with them. On their birthdays he will dial the phone and hand it to one of the kids to wish them a happy birthday. I don't think he really talks to them. In hindsight I should have seen what X was capable of based on how he treated his own family.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
