MLC - standing by my man

[Mila]

HartsBlessing and Grace thank you so much for your advice and encouragement. It’s so nice to get positive feedback if you are doing something right or advice if you don’t.

My husband knows that I'm talking to OW's husband, he doesn't like it but there isn't anything he can do about it. The other day he said “It’s not fair that you know everything what OW is saying to her Husband and I don’t because you don’t tell me anything what he tells you”. IT’S NOT FAIR ??????? Really

Talking with him yesterday was very revealing as to his state of mind. Here are the details:

While we had our business meeting, he said that he would like to tell me something that may upset me and also he doesn't want OW's husband to know. I said OK if it's necessary.

So he tells me that he is going to see OW - flying out Thursday coming back next Wednesday and he doesn't want OW's husband to know because he is afraid of what he may do, he heard that OW's husband and his family want to confront him. I said that OW's husband already knows that he is coming.

I told WH that I'm not happy about him doing; from business point of view, he will be gone for almost a week again and he was gone for over 2 weeks last month and that there is no way that we can continue running business like this and that he should keep in mind that I will not communicate with him while he is there. He said “but I will work from there”. I told him what all he does when he is there is to return calls and e-mails and everything else is on hold. He said “well either of us has our minds on business these days (Who’s fault is that???). I told him “you are right but it can’t go on like this for long the business is suffering and may not survive this”

He said that he wasn’t planning on going so soon but it’s all OW’s husband fault; if he would just let them be and wasn’t putting so much pressure on OW and confusing her everything would be OK. Here I needed to set some boundaries - I don’t want to be his confidant about his OW troubles.

I said that I’m sorry that he has problems, he should do what he must that he is a “big boy” he is going to have to handle it. I will have to think about what’s in mine and daughter’s best interest. I said that what he does is not my problem anymore, that I let go of him because that’s what he wanted. (Just to tell you this conversation is very calm, no anger or raised voices).

By this time he was crying and he looked so miserable that I had to ask him if he was OK. He said he is not; can’t eat, can’t sleep (he already takes sleeping pills), had to stop on the side of the road because he couldn’t drive he was crying so hard. His memory is failing him, is down to 155 lb (his normal weight is about 170lb). Then he said, "I don't know how much more of this I can take” and that “If it wasn’t for you and daughter I wouldn’t care if I lived”

Those statements really scared me. I (lovingly) told WH that I’m really concerned about him and that he needs to get help NOW, to please go and see a therapist and a doctor. That he can’t go on like this. I also said that he should have a full physical and have his hormone levels checked. He said, “You think my hormones made me fall in love and are causing all of this?” I said that out of balance hormones could cause all kinds of symptoms. I didn’t bring up MLC - he doesn’t like it.

I also told him to look at himself, “Do you like what you see? Has this “love” improved your life, made you a better man, has it made you feel good about yourself and is it making you happy? Look at what this is doing to you, love shouldn’t feel like this, this is toxic, it controls you, it’s more like a fatal attraction, you have been miserable and depressed for months”

He didn’t get angry with me for saying that. When he was leaving he asked me if he can hug me, so we stood there for the longest time and hugged.

Later he called me and said, Sweetie (yes he still calls me that sometimes) I know that you are concerned about me, I just wanted to let you know that I’m not flying out to see OW. My “why not ” slipped out before I could stop it. Then I said sorry you don’t have to tell me. He said, “It’s not only because I’m worried about what OW husband would do, there are other reasons. I said OK, take care of yourself and go and see your therapist please. I hope he will.

So what are the “other reason’s” he is not flying out? OW told him not to. Owl’s husband called last night and said that he received an e-mail from his wife telling him that she has been under to much pressure from everyone and to let her be she needs alone time, that she will think about what she wants over the next week, however she believes that she already knows the answer, but will continue to evaluate it.

I personally think that the affair will continue for a while, I’m ready to wait.