Piano... I have to tell you one of the reasons I am scared of the Coparenting sessions is because I feel like it is me accepting that this is over and I am okay with him leaving me and still want him to be involved with the baby. We dreamed our lives togetehr and having kids for 12 years... this is the exact opposite of what we wanted. My therapist thinks I should make the appointment anyways, for 3 or so weeks from now. She said the fact that he has mentioned it to several people even up until a few days ago, is at least promising that he wants to be involved as the father. She also said that any good therapist would probably not bring up me or him getting back together or what our issues are for at least 3 or 4 sessions, as they dont want to push him or pressure him for an answer bc then he may feel attacked and that I am using this as an excuse for us to seek counseling together. There is a great group here in philadelphia called Council for Relationships, and several therapists and my OB doctors speak highly of them and say they are the best around for mending relationships, not making marriages work, but at least helping us find a common ground. I am also scared bc i know when we do sit in front of someone together and she asks why we cant get along, I will be honest and say because he broke my heart and I love him and do I say I want to work things out with him? or do I act aloof and confident as if I am happy with the decision like DB says I should. I feel the latter of the two will make him feel at ease that I do not want anything from him either... believe me I have my moments where I truly dont believe I could ever take him back. My therapist made a good point, and that is that if nothing else, i am no worse off than I am now. At least we can figure out what "raising the baby together" or "coparenting" means. She also mentioned that if I say I am hurt and cant trust him etc. that the Counselour may suggest to him, unless you come clean about why you left, and if there is anyone else in your life, this will never work. Maybe they can serve as a mediator, although they primarily try to mend marriages first.
I share your concerns... does he come to birthing classes? delivery? His sister is having her first baby a month before I am due, and her family is hosting a baby shower for her... My family wants to have one for me... but in all this I do not find that it would make me happy at all. I feel like he took so much away from me... the planning, enjoying the pregnancy... we should be talking about names, and birthing classes, and you are right... shouldnt the person who will be supporting you that day be with you? For me it will probably be my mom. Makes me so sad... to top it off he is a Nurse anesthetist and when he worked a clinical rotation in school in the OB delivery room, he was the person who inserted the epidurals in the PG women... he should've been the one there for me...
Part of me wishes he would contact me and say, I wanted to know if you set up an appointment yet to see someone together? or are you going to parenting classes, i'd like to go? He says this to our families and friends, but what about me? I dont believe anything that comes out of his mouth.
I do keep several journals... i have one specifically to the baby with all positive things! and another with booster notes from DR and DB and so many quotes, and then I have the ugly one... lets just keep it at ugly.
will keep you posted on the co-parenting counseling... they say its a positive start... not sure about what... but i do know that I do not want to scream and cry and lunge ar him around the baby... i dont want to get post pardom depression or anything negative around the baby. He hears me and feels my crying enough.
