Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sandi, I'm just so frustrated with this process. I am upset with the timing of this letter. Why send it this week when we are both trying to get the house ready and I am working to fix it up everyday? To me it's incredibly disrespectful of my W to have her L send me this letter this week. Yes, I woud have been upset if the letter was sent in another week or month but I think it is highly inappropriate for this letter to have been sent this week.

I didn't talk to my W last night. Actually she never called, texted or emailed me last night or so far today. My guess is she knows I received the letter yesterday and is unsure if she should contact me because she probably knows I am upset. She would be correct.

I will finish up the necessary items to be fixed on the house but not anything extra. My W has done nothing to help so far. She says she will clean but we'll see.

I thought a lot about my M last night and what are/were the problems and what I needed to change. Other than my job issues I really believe I was a wondeful H. Yes, I know there are some other things I need to change and feel like I have been doing those changes now. If I W would ever be willing to talk to me about M and tell me what else she would want to see changed then I could try to work on those issues too. Can't really change what she will not tell me. To be honest I was thinking that it is my W who has not changed at all since she left. It upsets me that the LBH is the one who needs to change. I think the W does as well. I realize that since my W left me and wants the D that she doesn't need to change. It's clear that she is not changing. She still has the same issues with communication, being honest, playing games, immaturity, etc. I wonder what good her IC is for her? What is her IC possibly doing for my W at this point? Doesn't seem to be much unless she is just agreeing with everything my W tells her and is agreeing with my W wanting D.

I won't fall back into my same old habits. The house work needs to be finished and I will finish my part. It is difficult at times not to allow the frustration of all of this consume me. I believe that everyone in life deserves a second chance at least once. It's confusing to me to hear people I know tell me that my W says what a good person i am and then she tears up. Says she is in a different place, etc., etc. If she was having an A then it would at least make some sense...I wouldn't like it but it would make more sense to me why she isn't willing to work on our M. So with no A, I still struggle with why my W is so committed to D.

I read others sitch's here and many at least have some sort of conversation with their spouse about the R. At least they are mature enough to discuss their issues whether or not things work out. That's a start in my book. Seems like I've got a W that wants to continue to bury her head in the sand...again. Lucky me.

I'm all for keeping my changes going because i want to...however it is frustrating that it does not seem to be having any effect on my W. I thought it was until I received the letter. So I ask myself if I am kidding myself with holding out any hope? I don't mean to sound selfish, I know many people on this board have been at this much longer than me. I'm guessing that my W's recent friendly behavior means nothing? I thought/hoped that this might be the beginning of progress with my W. Become friendly again first, right? But I'm not sure it makes any difference in my sitch.

My plan for today is to continue to work on house. I am not planning on talking with W today f she calls...I doubt she will. Earlier this week she didn't return my call for two days because she claimed my voice mail didn't come through on her cell phone until two days after I called...sure! Maybe I'll get the same excuse this time too.

Sorry to vent again. I realize my post has a lot of anger and resentment. I am just upset because I want to save my M and I'm not seeing any progress towards that goal. When I push all of the emotions aside I know how much I still love my W and want to be with her again. Feel like this letter from her L just puts another nail in the coffin.