flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

So I'm definitely in a tailspin, "spiralling downward" as my IC described it.

My sister asked me to consider antidepressants. We wants me to try Celexa as she once had a depression that was externally triggered and she found that it helped to "take the edge off" and helped her to concentrate at work and function better.

I'm also considering getting a formal ADHD diagnosis and seeking medication for that. I can't continue to make dealing with my sitch into a part-time job as I have been if I'm going to start the process of proving to myself that I can earn enough money to maintain our current standard of living (homeschooling the children, keeping my home, maintaining a family car, eating good quality food, being able to afford quality activities for the children, modest vacations, etc.). I have a brain that likes to gnaw on things, and I need to develop a focus other than letting it gnaw on my sitch. The problem is that I find it very, very hard to switch focus when I'm hyperfocusing on something.

People who are not familiar with ADHD assume that all it takes is a "just do it" attitude, or developing actions plans or strategies, but the reality is that it's not so easy. This is a lifelong problem that I've been battling that affected me as a child, a university student, an adult, and it was a major M issue (letting H down in terms of my earning due to ADHD issues). My IC shares the scepticism about ADHD that many do, but I've researched it a lot due to my S6 and I know that it is genetically heritable and is associated with specific patterns in how the brain works...the disorder is at least as evidence-based as others.

The idea of taking medications is very very hard for me and I've inherited an alternative health mindset from my mother and brought it into my adult life. But now is not the time for me to be a purist. OTOH, my IC is not a fan of my interpreting my struggles from the ADHD lens.