Thank you for this. I am feeling completely torn right now. I am speaking to the attorney this afternoon and for about 24 hours I have been pretty sure that I need to end this.
The therapist said she would not let him back in. I wrote him this email this morning:

I dont know why...but it does continue to surprise me how your lies know no bounds...even though it is now just who you are..so predictable. I have continued to defend your actions but I am not so sure what I am defending. You prove me wrong every time you have the opportunity to do so. I have tried to talk you out of destroying yourself..do you still not see what you have risked?
Your marriage, your dogs, your home, your savings, your relationships, your career, integrity, reputation....

and for what?

I have to stop questioning why you would risk so much for so very little..and just accept that you have and continue to. But I do not have to accept the way you have been treating me. There is no excuse in the world that makes it ok to continuously lie and treat me with disrespect. I never deserved it from you and I am not really sure why I have allowed it. I am also not sure why I have stooped to your level on occasion when everything in me knows that I am so much better than this.

You say that you are getting help...but I am not sure if you have fully accepted that there is something very not right. You say it is because you had an affair...and many people do have affairs...but not many people behave like you have. I decided on so many occasions to swallow my pride and my hurt (sometimes unsuccessfully) to try to help you and talk you out of destroying yourself ..Why? everyone keeps asking me that same question...and I am running out of answers. My faith in you is undeserved. Except for the rare occasion, you don't ever even stop to think how you continue to hurt me and treat me. I would treat a stranger better than you have treated me. You have cheapened me by cheapening yourself with this crazy trash filled relationship that you won't completely end with a person that has the morals and values of a parasite.

There is so little left of our marriage right now and I don't have a man to work through any of this with...I am dealing with a 16 year old teenager. Clearly my marriage hasn't been successful so perhaps I don't have the right to preach on what marriage should be...but I do know what is necessary to make any relationship work... A level of maturity, mutual respect, honesty and commitment. None of this exists now.

He called me 3 minutes later asking me what I was doing. He said that he agreed to staying out for another month. He thinks it is best that we do have these 2 months apart- he can lick his wounds (my term) and go through withdrawal (my term)and I can think things through. Why wasn't he doing this two months ago??? He said he has ended the affair for good. He knows that it will not go anywhere and has just caused more problems than they are worth. He also considers our marriage separately. Unsure if we are able to save it. I told him that I was unsure too but I don't want to take a risk if he isn't 150% committed to trying. He said he needs to get through what he is going through right now...but he wants to put all his efforts in trying to save our marriage and honor his commitment. He also said that he didnt want to not talk or see me for the next 2 months.. He said "i know your social calendar is always so booked..but perhaps you can make time to fit me in somewhere?"

I am so confused. Knowing that my husband is licking the wounds from a relationship that he shouldnt have had is a tough pill to swallow on top of the other pills I have been forced to swallow. I am also worried that if he comes home..will he be thinking about her the entire time? will our normal life not be exciting enough for him? Every time he is unhappy..will I be worried? He is not the type of person that will be kissing my butt for the rest of my life to make sure I am OK. I will not be as willing to deal with his sh*t after all of this...meaning his moodiness. Haven't I accumulated enough scars to be exempt from any further abuse?

But the alternative option of divorce is equally as painful..splitting up pictures and music and furniture. The goodbye.