Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
But again, your "victory" in life is to be solely measured by your success and your happiness going forward, not her misery or inevitable crash and burn.
That's what I'm trying to remember -- but there are a lot of times I just so want W to crash and burn.
How do you get over that?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Clinging....I think one of the key's is ....reaching a point when you stop blaming yourself and stop being a victim.
Accepting your weaknesses and understanding how you might have done a better job as a spouse is a big step. Then, changing is key. When you can make the hurdle and recognize that the tools you worked with (which were 'given to us')were not as good as the new tools that you gain, then, you can push out and up.
Remember, the WAS spouse chose not to honor their vows. Desiring to stay in a marriage where the other partner is unwilling to be a team partner, disrespects you, has a pattern of being unfaithful...is unhealthy.
YES...one should give a maximum effort to save your M in the beginning. However, no one should allow themselves to have their spirit destroyed.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
PS...desiring your wife to crash and burn shows that you are still not focused on yourself. Your focus should be on YOU...on soaring and flying.
Quote:
The best revenge is living well.
I understand that feeling. We have all been there, but, and I'll bet frank_d would agree with me: that is the 'little boy inside.' It's all part of a denial picture that comes with being a victim. You need to step out and away from it.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The best reward is living well. Revenge doesn't have a place. You'll know you've gotten there when you actually hope that she lives well, too.
Absolutely. This person has children with you. Of course you wish them well. You can also wish that they someday regret their mistakes with you but here's a newsflash for those who know they truly did their best: if your spouse is so whacked out now or has their ego so invested in being "right' that they'll never see the light-good riddance. Don't hold your breath waiting for anything from them. Make your life all about you and let it all go.
BUT even If they DO "see the light" at some point, know that chances are, you'll never hear about it. Their ego won't allow them to fully "get it" let alone tell YOU about it. You'd be the last one to hear in all likelihood. Hence the focus not being on them. My sister got a rare message from her ex h, telling her that he "gets it now" and I think he does. It was a month before her NEW MARRIAGE was schedules...Too bad, so sad, too late, etc. She's happier now with someone who makes the R a priority in his life and now that she knows what it's like to have a normal healthy M, she'd never go back to what she had with her loer ex. But her ex, is miserable and that doesn't make her happy. It makes their kids wistful and they see their dad as pathetically facing karma for being so deceitful and selfish. I recall him telling my sister --for SOME UNKNOWN reason, something that really hurt her as a co-parent and that is, that he now does NOT BELIEVE IN GOD and I just blurted out.... "oh, well it shows." Sometimes the truth comes out in a sentence or two.
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Jeff...well said. And I think we can also add to that they finally find the happiness that they so desperately are looking for.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
25....agreed. Again, like a high speed accident on the freeway: too dangerous to stop and look back. You have to keep going to avoid getting involved in the smack up. Call 911 for help, adjust your mirror and keep going.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
(er...in reality of course, being a doc, I"d stop and try and help...LOLOL). FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Sometimes the truth comes out in a sentence or two.