Hope is the thing with feathers....

[Bridgestone]

well,
almost there..
StbXH has called the past 3 mornings way too early. I thought we were past this.

First one was about the name change.. something I had informed him & the mediator about through an email 2 weeks ago... why it had to come out at 4:05am Tuesday morning.. I'll never know.. but it did... nasty viscious gutteral pain.. dumped on me.

2nd one, yesterday was about his failure as a father since our D15 & S20 got into a nasty fight and S20 told him afterwards that I should come back & get our daughter & get her away from him because he's ruining her. S20 left to go back to college & not on so good terms with his Dad.

His facebook update read...

Seeing my life. Flash backwards in light. Understanding is a cruel wife.

Not sure what he understands now... or if it's just the jaded understanding of a myopic 20 year old who thinks he's 'lived life' now that he's been on his own for 2 years.

Sadly, my heart breaks for him if he does truly understand how unhealthy this R was for years. The debate about staying married fro the sake of the children strikes a chord with me because I still wonder how much healthier my children would be if they hadn't been exposed to the unhealthiness of the R they witnessed as their main role model for a marriage.. the unhealthy ways we communicated, the unhealthy ways we 'loved' each other, argued, walked on eggshells, unresolved conflict, co-parented, divided household chores, etc....

so many unhealthy things we showed them as 'normal'.... staying for the sake of the kids, seeing the effect of their learned behaviour on their interactions with others as they move into adulthood... sometimes I think was a great disservice than leaving.


3rd phone call was this morning.. he has an appointment to sign D papers, still not sure why he hasn't gone to sign them his lawyer has had them long enough...
again more gutteral visceral pain dumped on me for the 'ending of our marriage'

I responded .."yep, I filed for Divorce, I signed the papers first... but you 'ended' it when you headbutted me, when I was trying to apologize to you 6 months ago."

Which is the real marriage ender? I'll let God decide.


I am indulging in much self-care this week-end.
A dear friend is coming in from the States on Saturday for his spring break week and I'm looking forward to a nice week with him here.

I'm using the unused portion of the retainer from my lawyer to take care of me. I have a reflexology & pedicure for this afternoon and a massage & facial tomorrow.

Ahhh... calgon take me away!


Peace
Bridge