Fast track to her divorcing me

[ClingingToHope]

HPC put it in a crude way, but I agree that you should not hold yourself back waiting for something to grow again with your X.

I see some similarities between you and I. My stbx has told me there's no one else. And I believe her. I did enough snooping to know that she doesn't have someone right now.

And I also know her history. She's still a beautiful girl and gets lots of looks, but before we started dating she never went out with someone longer than three months.

She's so shy, reserved and struggles with her self-esteem that she clams up around new people. She told me she was with lots of guys before me because she felt she had to put out to keep them interested.

So in my heart, I sit there and think, you know, with time she'll realize I was truly the one for her.

But I also know she's actively looking. Through the snooping, I saw way back at the start of the separation that she googled an old boyfriend. She was getting messages through FB from old single high school friends. I noticed she's visited Match several times. In August, she's going with her best friend to some motorcycle retreat in Sturgis, S.D.

I haven't been over to the house by myself in a while, but she also starting drinking wine at night, reading romance novels -- she gets them from her mom -- and I found dildos in a box under her bed. Interestingly, she left them there and D11 had a slumber party last week and found them. She told them they were back scratchers.

So I was all over the place. She hasn't found someone else, but I know she was looking, and she's replaced me with toys and a fantasy world.

I've read a lot of people on the site saying they were waiting until they are in a good place to date. My thought is they just haven't found someone yet.

At some point an opportunity is going to present itself. Since the D isn't official, I'm not out there actively trying. I'm on Match, but I'm not sending emails. I just continue to look. I go out with friends, but haven't asked anyone out. I did meet an interesting lady a month ago and I was torn on what to do. I ended up asking her to be a FB friend and she turned it down. sigh.

But if I met a beautiful tomorrow and we hit it off and she was free the next weekend I don't have the girls -- I'm pretty sure I'd ask her out.

I've told friends. I'm not closing any doors in my life.

Look, if you don't move forward you won't get better. That doesn't mean you are closing the door on your X. It just means you won't be dependant on HER deciding your fate.