Hi all- Aver, yes I am hiring movers to do all the packing for me. It's costing a ton of $ but well worth it. They come on Tues and then I move out on Weds, fly home to CA of next week.
H and I had our tax call last night. He told atty in advance we were getting D. It went fine. We got some $ back this yr, and of course H wants to break it out to the %age of our salaries, but that's fine w me. I am taking all the furniture but paying him a small amount (rather taking out of tuition $ he owes me) for couple things he bought. I think this is only reasonable since I am literally taking everything (all stuff we bought together-which I mostly paid for, ALL our wedding gifts, etc). I feel a little weird about it, but he doesn't want much stuff. I may decide to sell a bunch of things in CA, but not in frame to make major decisions over what to keep or sell now. All the pics and mementos I think I'll just keep in storage in my mom's basement for now.
This is all moving so fast. After tax call we chatted breifly about forms he's drafting (which lists tuition repayment) and D papers. He did call Courthouse this week to get/clarify all necessary forms. He is most definitely pushing this forward. I HATE his timing of everything...he leaves it all to right before I leave (just like getting initial papers days before Xmas). I actually feel like I was in a better place to accept this/make this happen 2-3 weeks ago, but have been more emotional lately since our recent exchange. (Like, couldn't he have dealt w this a month ago like he said he would after our lunch, or Wait until my move stress was over??)
My mom told me I should not feel pressured to sign anything on the spot. H is coming over tomorrow (Sat) to get last batch of things and brining papers w him. Said something needs to be notarized and he wants to take care of it tomorrow. I DON'T want to do this...yet I know it's happening and I have no control over it.
I know I can't prevent this D, but it does so go against my beliefs (that D is really a last resort after you've tried everything). I accept that I cannot control H's actions/thoughts etc but it's really hard to sign/go along w something that you just don't want. I remember my feeling last yr was that if he's hell-bent on D, fine, he can file, but I'm not going to sign anything - it just so goes against my core beliefs. Then in more recent posts realize that joint-filing is the more amicable way to go. Knowing H he'll pull some manipulative stance that he won't repay me funds (or sign paper to) unless I sign D papers. I don't like to feel coerced into that as a manipulative tactic.
Personally I think a better thing for me - given that I've got a lot on my plate - is to take whatever he gives me and say I've got a ton on my mind right now, want the time to read over/digest, and wait until I have a quiet moment/in a better space. I know he's expecting me to sign things tomorrow so that he can go ahead and file next week. (I'd rather be at home first, settled, w the comfort of fam and friends)
Ugh. Is there anything I can do at this point to stop this? Resist signing? Just be friendly/amicable? Explain that I never wanted this... I dunno.
Peace all...last day of work before next week off and lots to tackle. This is definitely hard stuff. I want to come out strong, and yet I still feel so angry/hurt and betrayed. -hhh
