Transitional relationships distract and do change the focus from life being all about the former spouse's actions and insults to more than that. A transitional relationship can be a friendship, learning about someone new, even doing something new. Having something NEW to talk about. Having something different for the mind to focus on. And transitional relationships are by nature short but so very helpful.
It is not a lie if the boundaries are stated.
The PC and you both commented on your anger. Have you considered ways to resolve that?
Like most, I had a lot of anger toward my former spouse. A book pointed out that bitterness and anger are a mask for unresolved pain and hurt. My inner fire and brimstone weren't working, so I followed "Not Just Friend's" advice and sent blessings to my spouse when he made me angry. As counterintuitive as it sounds, it worked... slowly but surely.
Sending blessings (my first was a hypothetical herd of camels to their secret abode) relieved the anger and kept it from churning. I. Felt. Better. when I did that. When I remembered, I did it more. And it kept working.
Forgiving the sinner but not the sins is a dog chasing its tail. The sins are past. The sinner is the present. For example, I was molested my entire childhood by my father. I hated him. I was told to forgive him. I couldn't. I wanted him to suffer, to beg forgiveness from me, to show regret.
Never happened.
I went to therapy. I wanted to let it go. I didn't want to be one of those crazy people yelling at a tombstone full of unresolved anger. I kept going to therapy on and off through the years, slowly letting go of bits and pieces. But I was still had that buzz of injustice fomenting.
Oddly enough the spouse's departure and my dad's medical emergency happened at the same time. My first thought was that the two most significant male relationships in my life had betrayed me and were leaving. I'd already unwittingly spent a lifetime full of anger. I did not want that justified by the divorce.
I started sending blessings to the spouse... sometimes just the word 'blessings'. Several months later my dad and I had a conversation.. nothing big.. BUT he listened without commenting. Twenty minutes later, something poofed within. The wick was pulled from the candle. I'd been given the gift of forgiveness toward my father. And it was one of the best gifts that's ever been bestowed.
Being angry, feeling affronted, insulted is natural. Moving beyond it is difficult. Your former spouse will never validate your feelings. Change what isn't working.
A question I asked myself. Do I feel better after sharing, after writing or do I stay angry or get angrier? How do I feel later? If I felt better, more grounded, calmer, I'd try to keep doing what worked.
I know I made the wound of betrayal worse with my agonized jabbing.
