Well, if it had been me, I would have waited until after "this" party to start having separate one....since it was so near and you were already paying for it.

In the future, I think you need to have something different from whatever she has planned for them. If she has a skating party, then you could have something else. Find out what the kids want and go from there.

It's hard on everyone when the couple who is S is together in a group. They feel uncomfortable and things are too raw & fresh and emotions too high.

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What do you think about how she visits at the house? Should I tell her she needs to take them somewhere else when she visits? It isn't her house any longer...


Okay, I don't want to get my threads confused here....but did you tell her that she could spend time there while you went someplace else? Your idea for doing that was a valid point, but it would not be realistic for any long term plan.

I suppose the way around that is to calmly tell her that since the two of you are S, then both of you need to act accordingly in regard to her staying the weekends in the home. Therefore, she should not come & go into your home as if it was hers. She needs to think about it as "your" house and respect your privacy. But make sure this is what you want to do.....and if her name is on the morgage, then she probably has legal rights, but you just need to find out from the lawyer about all of that. You could change the locks to the outside doors to prevent her entering whenever nobody was home. After all, you don't know who all may have a copy of the home keys by now.

Think it over, b/c if you believe it would have more influence for her to be there with the kids and for her to see you having a life without her.....then that might be the better route. If it would be best for the kids, then do it. Just think it over really good before you jump off into something you will regret. She will not like it, b/c she wants both worlds (her home environment with the kids, plus OM & their love nest). Don't be afraid of her emotions.....just be strong & confident.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!