Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[Piano]

Babydoll...today was not a great day here either. But your last post reminded me to remember the growing baby inside even during the worst of times. My psych gave me good advice two weeks ago - to start writing each day to her. A journal. Anything I wanted to say. I admit I've only done it once, but it re-centred my focus on her, and less on my husband.

You wrote: "H agree to go to Co-Parenting counseling last week, i basically told him I have a really hard time being around him and cant figure out how I am supposed to let him in the baby's life. I can not forgive him for not wanting to go to marriage therapy with me to work on us. And I will always Hate him for this. Dont think I could ever forgive him for the pain he is putting me through.". I could have written this myself - word for word.

"H thinks we should remain "best friends" ; he seems very unaware of the severity of the situation." Ditto! I struggle constantly with what is the best way to 'wake' him up to the reality of how much he is hurting me. But I don't think they want to know about our pain right now. It annoys my H.

"Some think he will not wake up until the baby is born." Yes, many people do say that. My psych says don't be so sure. But it still seems to me a pivitol moment, for sure.

"H wants to be a hand on father, and i have to figure how to stand my ground on this and how to co-parent this little boy. and to cover things like, will I feel better or worse if he is in the delivery? when the baby comes home? how do we do this together?". Massive questions. Again, with you on that. Maybe counselling will be useful in getting him to define what he thinks "hands on" means to him. My H thinks it's enough to 'love the child' - can't articulate yet how that translates in practical terms. Probably takes many sessions to find out what terms you can both agree to, a shared view of how co-parenting can work. I think it would be good not to expect too much from the first session. I was very confronted in my first one this week, so it's good you wait until you are in a rested frame of mind. Not something to rush into. Some advice perhaps for when it does happen - be wary of being pushed into saying things you don't want to say. If asked a direct question that throws you, it's better to say "I need to think about that" than say something for the sake of filling the silence. As for the delivery - aslo not sure what to do myself. My feeling is you need to feel extremely safe and secure to have a positive birth experience. But closer to the time, you'll be able to judge that better.

"I have not spoken to him for almost a week, as of right now, which is huge for me. Hope i can keep this up. It hurts, i still get really upset, but when we dont talk, there is no arguing or blank answers and i dont feel any worse." Yes, my experience also - it doesn't stop the hurt, but perhaps does stop added turmoil.

I am really interested to know how your counseling goes together, when you do book that appointment, and how the counselor manages/handles the session... I don't mean to alarm, but have read a lot on the web about how counseling can go wrong. It's probably best to have low expectations. I am sorry if that sounds a bit harsh. I have wondered in the wake of my session this week about it - because it's 'co-parenting counseling', as opposed to marriage counseling, you may feel, like I did, that your needs and wants about the marriage surving are put to the side (to be expected, I guess?). I found that quite brutal. It's easier for the guys - because they have already emotionally detached.

My question with regards to my own situation today still remains: NC or a bit of positive contact (which would include birth classes, therapy appointments, and that's about it). My guess is no contact is more effective at shaking my H up. I even think it would be fine to do away with the birth classes - they are more important for you and whoever your support person is most likely to be. Who is that going to be for you?

My thoughts are with you.