I don't think I ever heard anything about withholding/not confessing an affair. Forgiveness was a big part of the weekend. There wasn't an A on either side of my marriage, so I might not have the best perspective on that. I do know that the presenters spoke very openly about their A's.
It didn't work in my case, I don't think XW was really committed. Actually, I know she wasn't. She knew that she was right and justified in everything that she was feeling. She wasn't interested in taking the time to follow up, and that's where the real success comes from. And it is a lot of work.
On the religious question, it's Catholic, no question about it. But there was no one telling you to be Catholic, no fire and brimstone (ok, that's not so Catholic), no real "preaching". There was a service Sunday morning, but you didn't have to participate, though I think everyone did. And there was a clear understanding that everyone there was not Catholic.
I think there is room to discuss the past, in the controlled environment that you learn. I think that if it is a stumbling block, then it needs to be cleared, and you learn the tools to do that. On the other hand, in Lotus' case, it seems that both she and her H have acknowledged that there was inappropriate behavior, and feelings, and they have agreed to forgive, and put it behind them without worrying about the gory details. For them, that may well be the right answer, for someone else, maybe not. Not having been in those shoes, I can't say.
