2003 - had baby and started down the challenging road of dealing with a special needs son
2004 - H started withdrawing and became depressed to varying degrees
2006 - had second baby
Dec 2008-May 2009 - MC, ended in "impasse" with H not shifting
Jul 2009 - H turned 40
Aug 2009 - last romance in M
fall 2009 - multiple crises, H really withdrawn and dealing with rage
Dec 22, 2009 - H revealed the depth of his hopelessness about our M, said 80% of his unhappiness was due to the conflict in our M, said that he had done a lot of research on how parental conflict affects children and had convinced himself that our level of conflict was damaging our children...repeatedly stated that he had no plans or solutions for the situation...H was dealing with extreme insomnia and a lot of anxiety symptoms (nervous breakdown?)
Dec 28, 2009 - H was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression (but ended up discontinuing meds after 4 days), first mentioned trial separation but agreed to wait for a month for his state of mind to stabilize
Jan 3, 2010 - SEPARATION: H moved out and rented 2 BR apartment
Jan 9, 2010 - H said he had no motivation to work on our M (lots of fight-or-flight body language)
Jan 11, 2010 - first DB coaching session
sitch now:
We've been separated for 2 months and things have settled into a routine.
H and I are still coparenting peacefully, H is still going out of his way to spend time with the kids and make it easy for them. He has recently commented on how nice I am being and stated his intention to do the same and asked me to give him feedback if he wasn't.
H has not mentioned D in weeks, though he recently made the assumption that I was seeing a lawyer in an email. I caught him referring to me as his "ex". He is still having trouble making eye contact with me. Has made his intention to date very clear and there are red flags that he is in an A but it's all speculation, no hard info.
Doing well with sticking to a code of behaviour around H (pleasant but only contact is about parenting). Occasionally setting appropriate boundaries. I am making progress on DB goals (tiny babysteps), but I'm feeling pretty hopeless about reconciliation.
I am still on an emotional roller coaster. Not doing well with procrastination and obsessing about my sitch. I am having a lot of trouble with doing my self-employed billable work. I have made GAL babysteps and have plans to make more. Just starting to recognize the importance of detachment...have a long way to go. Had 2 sessions with a new IC who seems to be helpful.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
