Ours in in the city itself, so 20 min or so on the freeway.
Dress...yesterday she came home with the most awful shirt. My son asked, "why are you wearing a prison shirt!" My daughters weren't too impressed either.
So then she threw two bills and said the cost of what she bought despite me having told her I didn't care about the cost of the things - she's a penny pincher when it comes to herself. After the prison shirt comment (and a few minutes of private laughing), I told her that she should buy what looks nice, not what is cheap.
Today, she went out and got the dress and a small bit of jewlery. She NEVER dresses up, so I have to say it was probably the first complement I could genuinely make in the last 4 years about how she looked. She said she needed something nice for the weekend...
I'm trying to focus on the non-physical relationship this weekend, but it took one brick off one wall - excellent way to pump up the adrenaline for Friday~
We then had a bit of a fight an hour later...):, but it was easier to deal with coming from a high. ____
That being said, with a possible EA with your wife, keep your heart strong. She may do or say things that hurt, but I have a great feeling that you will be able to stay true to your goal of a happy marriage with her. Keep the goal in mind.
Like you said about swimming, you went nuts, but in the end you found some a new love later on.
There is a religious belief I have been taught - when you leave something bad for the sake of following the example of God and His prophets, a substitute is promised for you later on. Doesn't mean it will happen this weekend, though~
Query- when you leave something bad for the sake of following God a substitute is promised later on.
I am slow this morning....wouldn't this be a bad thing theoretically in a Christian marriage? Or am I simply reading it the only way my brain is letting me read that?
The dress story is very funny. My W was the same for years I would offer to buy her nice things and she was always reluctant to do so. Money was not the issue, luckily we don't have money issues.
The other thing is that we don't argue at all, it is totally odd but because of my changes over 1.7 years we don't fight.
We cook, clean, play with the kids together, workout together, watch TV at night, drink wine together, etc, etc. She simply doesn't love me. We are basically roommates at this time. We are not together constantly doing this, of course, but you get my drift.
So the drive there will not be a big deal at all.
Last edited by TBL; 03/05/1002:46 PM.
TBL now equals "Toward Better Love" M-44 W-42; 2 kids; married 11 years 1st bomb 10-08, reconcile 12-08 2nd bomb 8-09, moving toward reconcile 3-7-10
RE the belief I've been taught, in practise for marriage, I think that means if she (or I) are making tough choices & changes(bad things) to preserve a marriage (encouraged by the main 3 monotheistic religions alike), then later (life or paradise) God will give a subsititute (make it happier, children, etc). Does that clear it up at all? Now, I don't think that means being a sacrificial lamb...just reminds one to be patient if you're doing something right/good.
Money isn't the issue for us either, but she has always been that way. Positive - no $5000 credit cards!!
I'm arguing back a lot less, but I can't seem to get out of it yet (!) Excellent to hear you are! Keep that great skill up this weekend~
I honestly believe that many WAW's who go to things like this are only going to help their guilt about ending the marriage. This way they can say they tried but it still didn't work out. sorry, that's just my opinion. YMMV. Sincerely, Good luck to both of you! Going is better than not going.
Me 42/ W 40 /S 16 Married 15 Bomb dropped 11/18/2009 Nuke dropped 12/7/2009 EA/likely PA confirmed and busted 2/28/2010 Still separated in the same house and cant wait for this to end 5/8/2012
Good news. W is open to concept of another chance. Working on trust and forgiving. Retrouvaille was amazing. Day by day steps but it was worth the long drive.
If anyone has a marriage problem and can beg, plead, cajole spouse to come I think it will help.
It says to come with an open mind and open heart and my W in fact did do so, to my great delight, but couples there who thought they had no hope had great hope at the end.
The presenters were fantastic, wow, what an experience.
TBL now equals "Toward Better Love" M-44 W-42; 2 kids; married 11 years 1st bomb 10-08, reconcile 12-08 2nd bomb 8-09, moving toward reconcile 3-7-10
I'm so happy for you! Yes, there are miracles to found there, aren't there? Now, don't let the momentum drop! I know you are tired after a long weekend. But do your homework and dialogue those few minutes each day. I remember the first week seemed to go so slowly, while we waited for the first Post session. Post is really helpful too!
TBL, First time I've posted in your thread. I've been followiing your sitch and have been looking forward to hearing about your weekend at Retrouville. I am so happy for you that it was a positive experience. Glad that your W is open to another chance.
I too am trying to get my W to attend Retrouville with me. Can you share a bit more of your experience this weekend?
Congrats, happy for you!
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Very gland to hear your weekend was helpful, too, TBL~ Are you ready for doing Monday's topic in the binder?
I have to say, seeing actual people going through problems and then finding hope in itself is encouraging. Made me re-ask myself what 'working' on looks like. I wouldn't say RV ideas make me question DB methods, but it puts them in a new light. Adds that emotional layer - like a drawing that has gone from 2D to 3D.
Attacking the locks on closed hearts the RV way was such a refreshing change from the typical.
Were there a lot of couples there at yours?
Last edited by Onthemountaintop; 03/08/1001:10 PM.
